You Might Be In the Wrong Church If...

1. You have to pass through a metal detector to get inside.
   
2. The scripture lesson is on "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors."
   
3. The choir performs "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" as a polka.
   
4. It's over 100 degrees outside, and the trustees haven't approved turning on the air conditioning yet.
   
5. Everyone drives a nicer car than the pastor.
   
6. They believe that an elected official attending religious services is a violation of the separation of Church and state.
   
7. The preacher is wearing a "Megadeath" t-shirt
   
8. The sign out front says "First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship."
   
9. Everyone agrees the temperature in the Sanctuary is absolutely perfect!
   
10. You're on your way to a wedding and walk in on a funeral (or vice versa).
    
11. The music director has you sing "Amazing Grace" in the round (a la "row row row your boat").
    
12. Three words: Pastor Larry King.