Here's The Last You Know You're In The Wrong Church When....

1. The church picnic will be held at KFC this year.
   
2. You are a member of AARP but they ask you to attend "Children's Church."
   
3. There's no "Reserved For Minister" parking place, only a sign saying 'Visiting preachers can shelter their horses in the stable stall marked 'preacher'.
   
4. The sign out front says "Church-Lite: Home of the original ten minute Sermonette, and the 7.5 Percent Tithe."
   
5. Every illustration the preacher uses somehow refers to "those hilarious Budweiser frogs".
   
6. The missions budget just got cut in half, but the church treasurer just bought a "kickin'" new Harley.
   
7. Elders Council "prayer meetings" usually break up in a fight for the remote control.
   
8. New "Purpose-Driven" mission statement includes vague reference to jello-wrestling.
   
9. Most frequent complaint to worship committee: "Too much Charo, not enough Elvis."
   
10. New head greeters: Mike Tyson and WWF President Vince McMahon.
    
11. On your second Sunday as a visitor they ask you to be their pastor.

Happy Independence Day!