Stressed

Stress is a part of life. If you don’t have any stress in your life, you’re dead. You need a certain amount of stress in your life to accomplish anything. Stress is what gives you the energy, the effort, the ability to actually accomplish things. If you take a violin, you have to put stress on the strings to make music. If you stress it just the right amount, it creates beautiful music. On the other hand, if you tighten it too tight, the strings snap.

We all know that too much stress is bad for you. You’re stressed to the point you feel like, "I’m ready to pop. I’m going to explode. I’m going to fall apart." You’re stretched to the breaking point.

Paul was familiar with this kind of excessive stress and he writes about it in the Bible.

2 Corinthians 1:8 says, "I think you ought to know about the troubles we went through. We were crushed and completely overwhelmed [that means stressed to the breaking point] and we thought we would never live through it."

What do you do when you’re stressed and stretched to the breaking point?

-Release your frustration.

Stress always creates all kinds of negative emotions in our life. It creates anxiety, worry, fear, guilt, shame, and depression. It can certainly create frustration. We do not like negative emotions and often we do not know what to do with them. The most common thing we do is press them down or push them down inside, rather than releasing our frustrations to God.

Some of you are professional stuffers. No matter how you feel, you push it down in your heart. You push it down, swallow it, pretend that it’s not there. You wear a mask, ignore the pain that’s going on. Some people think this is the Christian way to handle it. When you’re angry, push it down, when you’re irritated, push it down, when you’re depressed or lonely or whatever negative emotion you’re feeling, keep pushing it down. Put a happy face on your face and everything will be great and then Jesus is proud of you. You just have to walk around saying, "Praise the Lord!" all the time and that’s what God wants.

God wants you to be real. God understands those emotions. He created you and gave you the ability to feel those things. So God wants you to own up to your emotions, own up to your frustrations. He wants you to express them to Him.

Psalms 62:8 "Pour out your heart to God, for He is our refuge."

Hebrews 4:13-16 "And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

The writer is proclaiming that we should just lay it all out. "God, here it is! Here’s how I feel, the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m stressed. I’m frustrated. I’m irritated. I’m angry. I’m depressed." Whatever you’re feeling, the Bible says, "Pour out your heart to God."

If you don’t deal with how you feel right now, you will eventually. We like to think that we have pushed things under the rug, but what really happens is that as we push things under the rug, a lump builds. When we least expect it, we trip over the lump. It is the person that seems quiet, but suddenly explodes. God wants you to deal with how you feel.

So what do you do? How do you deal with how you feel? You don’t repress it. You don’t ignore it, deny it, pretend it doesn’t exist and wear a mask, and you also don’t rehearse it, the idea of going over and over it in your mind which allows it to get bigger and bigger. God says, "Release it. Tell Me about it. Pour it out to Me."

Psalm 31:22 "In my distress I said, God can’t see me. But You heard my prayer when I cried out to You for help."

Have you ever been so stressed out you have wondered if God could be found? You may not feel very close to Him, but He has never left you. He sees and knows everything that’s going on. He says that if you want to get well, if you want to lower the stress level in your life, release your frustration.

Ready for South Carolina

While sitting at MCO Airport waiting for our plane to take us home, I thought I would post these observations about our church:

-You can see the impact our economy has had by our attendance and participation. This was one of the smallest groups of OB's that I can remember on the council floor.

-This was also one of the best moderated meetings I've ever attended.
Dr. Raymond Culpepper did an excellent job as our PB/Chairman and will be hard to beat in the future.

-This was also a very sobering assembly realizing how many of our older OB's have gone on to be with the Lord during the past two years. Ours is a denomination in transition in more ways than one as our older guard begin to receive their reward for a job well done.

-I am excited about our new Executive Committee. I have served in the past with J. David Stephens as a member of his Youth & CE Board in SC. I know the leadership skills he brings to the table. Mark Williams as our Presiding Bishop will provide dynamic leadership as well. M. Thomas Propes has the management skills financially to right this great vessel and David Griffis can and will continue to stress the heritage and bright future of our church. Wallace Sibley adds diversity to our leadership and these brethren have a heart for the future of our church.

Well, I'm ready to see a renewal of God throughout this great church. I'm believing it will start this Sunday in our churches.

Church of God General Assembly 2012

Some of my favorite memories as a child were at the General Assembly when we used to meet in Memphis. One of my best times was when dad took us to a Krystal not far from the auditorium after one of the business sessions. I believe they were a nickel apiece back then.

My first GA as a credentialed minister was in Dallas. I was an evangelist then and the SC State Evangelism Department gave Becky and I $450.00 to help us go. That was 40 years ago and Becky and I had just been married 6 months. That was our belated honeymoon! (LOL)

The GA this year is different for me. Becky doesn't like to come anymore because I'm tied up in the business sessions all day and she loves being at home. This will be the 12th assembly since my dad's home-going so he is no longer with me. My son has his own business now and so this is two GA's in a row he has missed. Even my mom didn't get to come this year so I'm the only one from the family here.

However, I'm here to do the business of the church. Just as my grandfather did years ago, just as my dad before me, I hope to keep their heritage alive by being a part of the decision making body. I've had to have surgery the week before the past two Assemblies, but I made the effort to come because even though we are slow to implement change it's important to be a part of the process.

I love the Church of God and hope to have this privilege for many years to come.

General Assembly 2012

Many of us have gathered in Orlando this week for fellowship, worship, and to take care of the business of the church. This is not a vacation for the Ordained Bishops or delegates who have come to set the path for the future of our church. Hopefully after today's elections we have set a track in motion for the next four years.

Is the Church of God still relevant after all these years? I believe it is and will be for years to come. We are not a perfect denomination, but God uses imperfect things to do his work. Let us pray that God will continually remind us that that we are a healing station for sinners and not just a hospital for saints.

Like a mighty army moves the Church of God!

When times get tough-trust God!

That's easy to say when you're not going through a storm, but not so easy when you are in the midst of it. After seeing the news this morning and realizing again how sin-cursed and evil this world is you wonder how any of us can make it.

These are tough times morally, spiritually, and economically. I worry if the Lord tarries much longer how my grands will survive. But then I remember who is with me in the storm.

He is Alpha and Omega.
He is the beginning and the end.
He is the first and the last.
He is the Great Shepherd.
He is the Rock of Ages.
He is King of kings and Lord of lords.
He is omnipresent.
He is omnipotent.
He is omniscient.
He is my Shelter.
He is my Hope.
He is my peace.

So when times get tough trust God. It's not as hard to do as you think!

Five Seconds

Monday through Saturday morning I spend about 90 minutes daily exercising this aging body of mine. I do so in hopes of keeping this collection of blood, skin, muscle, and bones healthy and strong for the rest of my time here. It's been extra tough since my accident in 2003, but I push myself to keep it up hoping to get all I can out of life.

 

When it comes to exercising my soul, however, I know that a daily morning workout just isn’t enough. Our souls are ageless and eternal. They can fill us daily with energy, vitality, love, joy, and light, but to keep them in shape we need to exercise them often. Don’t worry, though. Exercising your soul doesn’t require heavy weights, expensive machines, or a YMCA membership. It just requires a willing heart and a giving spirit. In fact, some of the best soul exercises I know can be done in 5 seconds or less. They always leave you feeling better than when you started them and they can be done anytime of the day as well. Best of all they help get your soul fit not just for here but for Heaven as well.

Here are just a few of my favorite 5 second soul strengtheners. Feel free to try them all and then to try out some of your own as well. There is no limit to what you can do to build a healthy soul. You can:

-give someone a hug

-share a smile

-hold a purring cat

-pet a friendly dog

-glance joyfully at the sun setting over the hills

-hum a happy song

-read an uplifting passage from an inspiring book

-smell a flower

-listen to a bird sing

-jump in a pile of Autumn leaves

-share a kind word

-think a positive thought

-pray for someone

-wave at a neighbor

-laugh at a good joke

-tell someone you love them

-tickle a child

-smell a baby’s hair

-put some money in a Salvation Army kettle

-touch a loved one, look them in the eye, and listen to them.

 

Most of all you can take those 5 seconds to say, "I love you God and I thank you for my life here." Have fun exercising your soul then. Five seconds may not seem like a long time, but it is long enough to share some love, spread some joy, change a life, and make Heaven smile.

I Always Wanted To

An old prospector wandered into a small town where he was accosted by a loud, obnoxious and quite drunken cowboy. The cowboy pointed his six-shooters in the old miner's direction and asked, "Old man, do you know how to dance?"

"Nope," the prospector replied.

"Maybe you'd better learn," said the cowpuncher. Hot lead kicked up dust around the old man's feet and he began to dance.

Soon, however, the guns were empty. Now the old prospector reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a sawed-off shotgun.

"Son," he said, "you ever kissed a mule?"

Looking first at the shotgun, then at the spot where the mule's tail is attached to its body, the young cowboy got the message. "Nope," he answered, "I never kissed a mule. But I always wanted to!"

Most people want more out of life and work to do something to change their situation. In real life, that desire to change is not something that can be given by anyone else. If there is something you want to do, it is probably not because somebody is holding a gun to your head. You just want to do it. Your want to, your desire, comes from inside your heart. You're the only person that can make your dreams and visions come true with the help of the Lord.

If you decide you want to improve your condition, if you want a meaningful relationship or more fulfilling work, if you want a rich spiritual life or a healthier body, then the desire must come from your own heart. Nobody can make you want those things. They can support you, inspire you, even give you instruction, but only you can make it happen.

There may be a hundred reasons we think we can't be the people we want to be. But there is really only one. We don't want it badly enough to make the changes necessary to see it happen.

George Washington Carver, an African American who probably did have a hundred reasons not to change his circumstances, who a century ago said, "Most people search high and wide for the keys to success. If they only knew, the key to their dreams lies within."

Ask yourself today-What do I really want to do? Once you convince yourself and seek the Lord's direction go for it. Nothing beats a failure but a try. So try, try, TRY!

Living One Day At A Time

I remember the first time I ever heard the song, "One Day At A Time." Marijohn Wilkens had burst onto the gospel music scene as a writer who knew how to communicate an ageless message. As old as that song is the message is still real and fresh today. We have to take life one day at a time, let the chips fall where they may, and trust God to see us through.

God in His loving wisdom often has to remind us to relax, slow down and find His love and joy in each day. Sometimes we just have to hear those words, "Live life one day at a time," to turn a frown into a smile, a heartache into hope, and a battle into victory. That's why the Holy Spirit will often nudge us in times of distress to take it just one day at a time, one step at a time, and hold on until things change for the good.

You can't always plan ahead in the book of life. Each of us has to live it one page and one day at a time. Each of us has to have faith in God to help us to write it line by line and moment by moment. Each of us has to trust that our Heavenly Father will bring our story to its perfect end.

So settle down, take a deep breath, and live today's adventure. God is with you and will take care of you. Just remember to live each day with expectation. God will bring something wonderful out of it.

Dealing With Guilt

-If you make a mistake, resolve to try never to repeat it. The whole function of guilt is to change behavior.

We underrate our mistakes as effective learning devises. When possible, welcome your mistake, learn from it and decide to do things differently next time.

-Second, seek forgiveness from any others who were affected. If possible, make amends.
We can't underestimate the need for reconciliation and wholeness.

-Finally, forgive yourself. No purpose is served in continuing to whip yourself over past events you can do nothing about. And how will you truly learn to love when there is one person in your life you refuse to completely forgive?

If you follow these steps, you can rid yourself of unnecessary guilt and be happier for it.

Daily Examinations

2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?

These are some questions that we should ask ourselves daily to make sure we are REALLY in the faith. Take this daily exam and you will find out who you are and where you stand spiritually every day.

-Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?


-Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?


-Do I confidently pass on to another what I was told in confidence?


-Can I be trusted?


-Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?


-Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?


-Did the Bible live in me today?


-Do I give it time to speak to me every day?


-Am I enjoying prayer?

-When did I last speak to someone else of my faith?


-Do I pray about the money I spend?


-Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?


-Do I disobey God in anything?


-Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?


-Am I defeated in any part of my life?


-Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy, or distrustful?

-How do I spend my spare time?


-Am I proud?

-Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisees who despised the publican?


-Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?


-Do I grumble or complain constantly?


-Is Christ real to me?

Reasons Why You Are Blessed

If you own a Bible, you are abundantly blessed-about 1/3 of the world does not have access to one.
If you wake up each morning with more health than illness, you are blessed to rise and shine, to live and to serve in a new day.
If you have anyone on the planet, just one person that loves you and listens to you; count this a blessing.
If you can freely attend a church meeting without fear, then you are more blessed than over 1/3 of the world.
If you have a yearning in your heart to parent a child, you are blessed because you still desire what you cannot see.
If you pray today or any day, you are blessed because you believe in God's willingness to hear your prayer.
If you pray for someone else, you are blessed because you want to help others also.
If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep; all at the same time; you are rich in this world.
If you have a brother or sister in Christ that will pray with you and for you, then you benefit from a spiritual unity, bond, and agreement, which the gates of hell cannot stand against.
If you have any earthly family that even halfway loves you and support you, then you are blessed beyond measure.
If you attend a church with a church family that offers you one word of encouragement, you are blessed with some form of fellowship.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, or some spare change in a dish someplace you are among the world's wealthy.
If you can go to bed each night, knowing that God loves you, then you are blessed beyond measure.
If you try each day to imitate our Lord Jesus Christ for even a minute, you are blessed because you show a willingness to grow up in Him.
If you can read this message, you are more blessed than about 2/3 of the world.
If you have never had to endure the hardship and agony of battle, imprisonment, or torture, you are blessed in indescribable measure.
If you have a voice to sing His praises, a voice to witness God's love, and a voice to share the gospel, you are blessed. About 1/3 of the world does not even know who the one true God is.
If you can hold someone's hand, hug another person, touch someone on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.
If you can share a word of encouragement with someone else, and do it with His love in your heart, you are blessed because you have learned how to give.
If you have the conviction to stand fast upon His Word and His promises, no matter what, you are blessed because you are learning patience, endurance, and tenacity.
If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because most people 'can' -- but won't.


Go Now... And... Enjoy The Day... Knowing You Are Blessed.

Who is Jesus to you now?

Who is Jesus?

-He is the Anointed One.

-He is the Blessed Hope.

-He is the Conqueror of death, hell, and the grave.

-He is the Definition of spiritual destiny for all who believe.

-He is the Enlightenment of eternal glory.

-He is the Father's only begotten son.

-He is God both now and forever.

-He is the Healer of our souls and our bodies.

-He is Immanuel, God with us.

-He is our justification.

-He is my King of Kings.

-He is my Lord of Lords.

-He is the Lord Mighty in battle.

-He is the Narrow way that leads to eternal life.

-He is Omnipotent.

-He is Present with me everywhere I go.

-His Queen or bride will one day be rescued from this world.

-He is the Redeemer most high.

-He is Salvation for the lost.

-He is a Teacher with no other peer.

-He is the Union of God and man.

-His Value is everlasting and limitless.

-His was, is, and always will be the Word.

-His X-Ray is called conviction which draws me to know Him as my Lord.

-He is Yeshua-my God and my Lord.

-He is Zealous for my righteousness.

So ask yourself this question-who is Jesus to you now?

Using Social Media For Good

My dad always told me, "Son, you have to have thick skin if you are going into the ministry. If you don't you won't survive." How little did I know how true that would be the older I get.

Social media has become the new attack zone for people that don't like something you do, something you say, or something about you. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave. We do have the freedom of the press and I'm thankful for that. However, people who disagree with you over something often get on one of the social media sites and try and use that as a weapon against you.

I'm not writing about those who express their opinions or their beliefs, but I'm writing about those who say something that impugned the character and/or integrity of another person. They blatantly express their disagreements trying to justify their position and also to make the one they're in disagreement with look bad. It's happened to ordinary people, it's happened to celebrities, and guess what it can happen to you.

I remember about two and a half years ago when I left my former church some of dearest "friends" put things on one social media sight that I never saw, but others who knew me did. They were so incensed about it that they were willing to do whatever was necessary to protect me from those kinds of attacks. In fact the slurs and comments referring to me, made by a couple of individuals, were erased by them because the individuals they thought they were going to be sued for defamation of character. It's no wonder that some have called these outlets last day tools of the devil because of the ability to hurt someone without ever physically touching them by posting lies on a social website.

I, on the other hand, have thought about how good social media sights can be if you do the right thing with them. Again, this is my opinion, but we ought to take everything at our disposal and use it for good if we can. These are just some simple suggestions I believe will help all of us put social media to good use:

-Don't use any social media site to attack, defame, or denigrate someones character. We are all fallible people that can and do make mistakes. Let us not glory in some one's failure or capitalize on someones misfortune. If you have an issue with someone individually do what the Bible says and go to them and make things right. Make it a private conversation and not one that everybody can read and form a different opinion about. You can state your opinion or disagreement if you desire, but don't try to suggest or refer to someone personally. All you could be doing is starting a fire that doesn't need to be started.

-If you make a decision for a change in your life don't use social media to continually try and justify it. Facebook and Twitter allow you to express your words, thoughts, and opinions on any subject that you desire to within their allowable info streams. Yet many have again tried to use these outlets to justify changes in their lives that are questionable by posting thoughts, pictures, and other things that others really don't need to know. If something changes in your life it's nobodys business but yours. I get very frustrated by those who want to continually justify the reason why they are doing something so that they will look good to others. Often times it leaves the question out there-Why? Once that question is asked things begin to escalate and that's where the problems begin. If change happens in your life  just go on with it and leave it as that. Your decision is your decision and yours alone. The only one you have to justify it to is God.

-Don't let any kind of social media take away from what is Biblical and right.

Hebrews 13:5 "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."

Hebrews 13:7 "Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation."

1 Peter 2:12 "Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation."

Over the years I have received letters from one particular family with an unusual last name-"Anonymous". They must all be related because I've had one of their family members in every church that I have served. They are an unusual family because they don't have the nerve to talk with you face to face, but they sure can let you hold it in written form. These folks also must have a hotline to God that I haven't found yet because every one of them have told me if I would just do what their letter said things would change for good. They've also told me that if I didn't heed their warning that trouble was going to come my way. Sadly, not a one of them ever came to sit down and talk with me face to face, which is what the Word of God instructs us to do. They expected me to live in fear or intimidation from their words written on a piece of paper.

Receiving anonymous mail is one thing. You can ball it up and throw it in the trash, but when some one makes a derogatory statement that refers to you on one of these sites or attaches pictures or posters that contain words you are not associated with it's embarrassing and hard to explain.

So in conclusion they best thing to do is use social media for good. If you can't, don't use it at all. It's not worth your time to write it or the time of others to read it.

Happy Birthday Hannah!

13 years ago on July 8th something wonderful happened in my life-my first grandchild, Hannah, was born. She was then and still is today the light of my life. She has brought more joy to my life than anyone can ever imagine. From the first time I held her in my arms I knew she would be someone special and she really, really is.

She is a young lady now so I can't let her sleep on my chest in the recliner like I did when she was little. More than once when we would keep her in Union on Sunday afternoon she would take a nap right on her Popee's chest while I slept as well. I remember the first steps she took around our old parsonage, the first time she played on our piano and organ, and her first Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Valentines, and more. I remember the first time I fed her ice cream, her first trike, and her first bike. She has made getting older a pleasure and my memories sweeter as I remember the happiness she has brought into my life..

If I could grant her three wishes on her birthday tomorrow this is what they would be:

-That she would excell in everything that she aspires to do. She has more talent and ability in her than I think she even realizes and I believe if she puts her mind to it she can accomplish anything she wants in life.

-That she would allow the Lord to lead and direct her in every phase of her life. He has blessed her with a heritage and a history from her past, but He also has a plan for her future.

-That she would always be beautiful in her spirit, mind, and soul and never forget where she has come from or how to find the way she wants to go toward in her future.

Well, I'm not a genie and I have no magical powers to grant wishes, but I can and will always pray for her. I can always be a shoulder she can cry on, a good listener when she needs to talk, a friend in a time of need, and a grandparent that says and means, "I love you", when she needs to hear it the most.

To my darling Hannah-Happy 13th Birthday! I pray that you will celebrate many, many more.

Disasters

Life’s disasters strike all of us from time to time. No one is spared and we all get hurt and challenged. Our days sometimes seem filled with troubles and we all get squeezed by difficulties in this life. However, the way we respond to them is up to us. We can let them bring out the worst in us or we can let them bring out the best in us. We can react to them like demons of selfishness or like angels of love. It is really up to us to make that decision.

So let us always pray that we will always bring the best from our heart and soul to whatever life may throw at us.

-Pray for personal and spiritual strength.

-Pray for guidance and enlightenment.

-Pray for wisdom and God's Will.

-Pray for others as we would want them to pray for us.

-Pray for forgiveness and bear no grudges.

-Pray for hope and help when we need it the most.

Worldchanger

I don't think it was never put better by anyone than by eighteenth century church reformer John Wesley when he said:

"Do all the good you can,  by all the means you can,  in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."

If we as Christians would do just that, we could change the world without ever having to preach another sermon. Why? Because people would see Jesus in us through our actions and know His power and glory firsthand.

So make this your motto daily. You might turn out to be the worldchanger God wanted you to be after all.
 

Here's The Last You Know You're In The Wrong Church When....

1. The church picnic will be held at KFC this year.
   
2. You are a member of AARP but they ask you to attend "Children's Church."
   
3. There's no "Reserved For Minister" parking place, only a sign saying 'Visiting preachers can shelter their horses in the stable stall marked 'preacher'.
   
4. The sign out front says "Church-Lite: Home of the original ten minute Sermonette, and the 7.5 Percent Tithe."
   
5. Every illustration the preacher uses somehow refers to "those hilarious Budweiser frogs".
   
6. The missions budget just got cut in half, but the church treasurer just bought a "kickin'" new Harley.
   
7. Elders Council "prayer meetings" usually break up in a fight for the remote control.
   
8. New "Purpose-Driven" mission statement includes vague reference to jello-wrestling.
   
9. Most frequent complaint to worship committee: "Too much Charo, not enough Elvis."
   
10. New head greeters: Mike Tyson and WWF President Vince McMahon.
    
11. On your second Sunday as a visitor they ask you to be their pastor.

Happy Independence Day!

You Know You're In The Wrong Church When...

1. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake.

2. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"

3. Karaoke Worship Time.

4. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor.

5. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."

6. There's an ATM in the lobby.

7. The Choir wears leather robes.

8. The only song the organist knows is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."

9. No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.

10-The church bus has gun racks.

You Might Be In the Wrong Church If...

1. You have to pass through a metal detector to get inside.
   
2. The scripture lesson is on "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors."
   
3. The choir performs "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" as a polka.
   
4. It's over 100 degrees outside, and the trustees haven't approved turning on the air conditioning yet.
   
5. Everyone drives a nicer car than the pastor.
   
6. They believe that an elected official attending religious services is a violation of the separation of Church and state.
   
7. The preacher is wearing a "Megadeath" t-shirt
   
8. The sign out front says "First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship."
   
9. Everyone agrees the temperature in the Sanctuary is absolutely perfect!
   
10. You're on your way to a wedding and walk in on a funeral (or vice versa).
    
11. The music director has you sing "Amazing Grace" in the round (a la "row row row your boat").
    
12. Three words: Pastor Larry King.