I always said that when I had to retire from pastoring that I would never cause my pastor any trouble. I may not like or agree with everything he may do, but I will treat him with the respect and honor I always wanted to be treated with while I was pastoring. One of the hardest adjustments for any retire pastor is not to be in the pulpit on a weekly basis, but also becoming a member rather than the spiritual leader of a congregation. It takes a special kind of grace to do that.
In the past few years I have experienced both ends of the spectrum. One retired minister who I would trust with my life and a couple of others that would let me drown if the boat was sinking. The sad part about this is that I respected and honored those men as my peers and also mentors in ministry. I am not perfect and I know I have let people down before. I have made some bad judgement calls before and I wish I could change them. I have also endured abuse over things I did not do, say, or participate in from people who talked one way but lived another. Yet, none of those people were ministers of the gospel. Some have apologized, some are dead and I hope made it the heaven, and some have not changed. The same attitude they showed to me is the same one they are showing to their pastors today. Yet none of the latter ever carried the title "Ordained Bishop".
It's a sad thing to think that because you are an "Ordained Bishop" you cannot sin or do wrong. It's also a sad thing that because you have a reputation nobody thinks you can do wrong. But no one is above sin just because they have a piece of paper in a frame on a wall from a denomination. We were all saved by the grace of God and it's His grace that keeps us living right and restores us if we fall. It is my responsibility as a retired/disabled pastor to help other pastors in need and not put them down, speak ill of them, or try to hurt their reputation. That's why I am so cautious about writing this, because the hurt that these retired pastors caused me as their pastor scarred me to the bone. I have spoken ill about them because of that hurt and God has shown me I just need to keep my mouth shut and put them in His hands. I have realized that the hurt they have caused me created a bitter spirit in my heart against them and I have put them down to others just as they put me down. I was wronged, but I let that wrong affect me adversely and am just as guilty as they were in putting them down. For this I am greatly sorry and I repent before the Lord.
We've all been wronged by someone somewhere in our lives. Whether it's by another minister, laymen, friend, or family member we've all been affected. It's how we learn to handle the bitterness that makes a difference. Honestly, I have not handled it well. I have to fight it every day. One of my doctors told me that holding onto something mentally is a side effect of the type and location of the stroke I had. So right now, 15 months later I am still fighting that battle everyday. But I refuse to let it destroy me and I have made up my mind heaven is worth fighting for. My prayer is to overcome this spirit of bitterness and to not follow in their shoes. If I can be a blessing as a retired pastor I will, but I refuse to become a stumbling block and affect another pastor as I was affected.
Retirement is not an excuse for wrongdoing, but a release to be a blessing. That's what I want to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment