Most people know by now that I am an Ischemic Stroke victim with after effects that sometimes affect my writing, so if I make a mistake with my typing please forgive me. My left hand doesn't always work as it should, so I hope Spellchecker will help me out.
Someone shared with me this past weekend that they too had to retire early due to health reasons and that they also went through what I am going through now. As a pastor you devote your life to people and you are expected, right or wrong, to take it from your congregation. In 45 years of full-time ministry, most of that time as a pastor, I would always think that I had hear it all, until the next time. Part of listening to good and bad through the years has physically and mentally taken it's toil on this old boy. I am certainly not a better man for it.
I have learned in life that when you identify as a pastor, people automatically begin to tell you their problems whether you are their pastor or not. I accepted that and prayed for hundreds of people that I don't really even know, but I did so because I was asked too. That never bothered me in the least. However, it was those people who thought I should have an answer for their problem, or always wanted to know why certain things happened to them that would drive me crazy.
Pastors are not fortune tellers. We cannot predict the future. We can pray and believe that it influences the outcome, but it's still up to God. I've questioned why I had this stroke and couldn't continue as a pastor. I tried for 9 more moths, but just couldn't completely recover. I knew what I could do before the stroke as a pastor, but even though I can still preach I knew with my limited abilities I couldn't continue to pastor.
Was I expecting this? No! Did I anticipate this? No! Yet, God let it happen to me. Me! I am a Holy Ghost filled believer, an Ordained Bishop in the Church of God, a long-time pastor, but it happened to me. The doctors have come to a conclusion that the main factor was stress. I was on preventative medicines that should have prevented a stroke, but I had one and had to retire on disability. This is not the glorious retirement I've heard so much about. I had to retire or die.
The first thing someone will say is the Bible says "to be anxious for nothing" and I agree, but pastor where I did the last few years and you would understand what anxiety was. Someone always complaining, always fussing, always talking about past glories, and never able to see beyond what once was. It was the first time in my ministry I faced a church that had very little future because their hopes and dreams had passed them by. It had been a long time since I had people tell me they loved me and then would spiritually stab me in the back. It did take it's toil and I became her victim.
Some of the things I will share over the next few days are from my heart. God spoke to me yesterday in our morning service and told me to write what my heart said to write. I will try not to be offensive, but I hope this may help someone struggling like I am today. God reminded me last week my journey isn't over yet and that from every struggle, hurt, and disappointment in life, all things will work together for my good. I don't understand it all, but I do trust Him. If you are where I'm at today, then learn to trust Him. Not people, preachers, or denominations. We will let you down from time to time, but God won't.
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