Signs You Have A Cheap HMO Plan

• Directions to the doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
  
• When you enter the office, you see a dispenser with the sign "PLEASE TAKE A NUMBER."
  
• Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
  
• The only psychiatrist in the plan is nicknamed "Joe the bartender."
  
• The only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is, "An apple a day."
  
• Your "primary care physician" is wearing pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
  
• "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a misprint.
  
• The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
  
• Your pills come in different colors with "M" on them.
  
  And the number one sign you've joined a cheap HMO....
  
• Your prescription for anti-depressant medication: A coupon for a double espresso at Starbucks.