I always said that when I had to retire from pastoring that I would never cause my pastor any trouble. I may not like or agree with everything he may do, but I will treat him with the respect and honor I always wanted to be treated with while I was pastoring. One of the hardest adjustments for any retire pastor is not to be in the pulpit on a weekly basis, but also becoming a member rather than the spiritual leader of a congregation. It takes a special kind of grace to do that.
In the past few years I have experienced both ends of the spectrum. One retired minister who I would trust with my life and a couple of others that would let me drown if the boat was sinking. The sad part about this is that I respected and honored those men as my peers and also mentors in ministry. I am not perfect and I know I have let people down before. I have made some bad judgement calls before and I wish I could change them. I have also endured abuse over things I did not do, say, or participate in from people who talked one way but lived another. Yet, none of those people were ministers of the gospel. Some have apologized, some are dead and I hope made it the heaven, and some have not changed. The same attitude they showed to me is the same one they are showing to their pastors today. Yet none of the latter ever carried the title "Ordained Bishop".
It's a sad thing to think that because you are an "Ordained Bishop" you cannot sin or do wrong. It's also a sad thing that because you have a reputation nobody thinks you can do wrong. But no one is above sin just because they have a piece of paper in a frame on a wall from a denomination. We were all saved by the grace of God and it's His grace that keeps us living right and restores us if we fall. It is my responsibility as a retired/disabled pastor to help other pastors in need and not put them down, speak ill of them, or try to hurt their reputation. That's why I am so cautious about writing this, because the hurt that these retired pastors caused me as their pastor scarred me to the bone. I have spoken ill about them because of that hurt and God has shown me I just need to keep my mouth shut and put them in His hands. I have realized that the hurt they have caused me created a bitter spirit in my heart against them and I have put them down to others just as they put me down. I was wronged, but I let that wrong affect me adversely and am just as guilty as they were in putting them down. For this I am greatly sorry and I repent before the Lord.
We've all been wronged by someone somewhere in our lives. Whether it's by another minister, laymen, friend, or family member we've all been affected. It's how we learn to handle the bitterness that makes a difference. Honestly, I have not handled it well. I have to fight it every day. One of my doctors told me that holding onto something mentally is a side effect of the type and location of the stroke I had. So right now, 15 months later I am still fighting that battle everyday. But I refuse to let it destroy me and I have made up my mind heaven is worth fighting for. My prayer is to overcome this spirit of bitterness and to not follow in their shoes. If I can be a blessing as a retired pastor I will, but I refuse to become a stumbling block and affect another pastor as I was affected.
Retirement is not an excuse for wrongdoing, but a release to be a blessing. That's what I want to be.
Monday, May 30, 2016
Being Very Serious (Part 1)
Most people know by now that I am an Ischemic Stroke victim with after effects that sometimes affect my writing, so if I make a mistake with my typing please forgive me. My left hand doesn't always work as it should, so I hope Spellchecker will help me out.
Someone shared with me this past weekend that they too had to retire early due to health reasons and that they also went through what I am going through now. As a pastor you devote your life to people and you are expected, right or wrong, to take it from your congregation. In 45 years of full-time ministry, most of that time as a pastor, I would always think that I had hear it all, until the next time. Part of listening to good and bad through the years has physically and mentally taken it's toil on this old boy. I am certainly not a better man for it.
I have learned in life that when you identify as a pastor, people automatically begin to tell you their problems whether you are their pastor or not. I accepted that and prayed for hundreds of people that I don't really even know, but I did so because I was asked too. That never bothered me in the least. However, it was those people who thought I should have an answer for their problem, or always wanted to know why certain things happened to them that would drive me crazy.
Pastors are not fortune tellers. We cannot predict the future. We can pray and believe that it influences the outcome, but it's still up to God. I've questioned why I had this stroke and couldn't continue as a pastor. I tried for 9 more moths, but just couldn't completely recover. I knew what I could do before the stroke as a pastor, but even though I can still preach I knew with my limited abilities I couldn't continue to pastor.
Was I expecting this? No! Did I anticipate this? No! Yet, God let it happen to me. Me! I am a Holy Ghost filled believer, an Ordained Bishop in the Church of God, a long-time pastor, but it happened to me. The doctors have come to a conclusion that the main factor was stress. I was on preventative medicines that should have prevented a stroke, but I had one and had to retire on disability. This is not the glorious retirement I've heard so much about. I had to retire or die.
The first thing someone will say is the Bible says "to be anxious for nothing" and I agree, but pastor where I did the last few years and you would understand what anxiety was. Someone always complaining, always fussing, always talking about past glories, and never able to see beyond what once was. It was the first time in my ministry I faced a church that had very little future because their hopes and dreams had passed them by. It had been a long time since I had people tell me they loved me and then would spiritually stab me in the back. It did take it's toil and I became her victim.
Some of the things I will share over the next few days are from my heart. God spoke to me yesterday in our morning service and told me to write what my heart said to write. I will try not to be offensive, but I hope this may help someone struggling like I am today. God reminded me last week my journey isn't over yet and that from every struggle, hurt, and disappointment in life, all things will work together for my good. I don't understand it all, but I do trust Him. If you are where I'm at today, then learn to trust Him. Not people, preachers, or denominations. We will let you down from time to time, but God won't.
Someone shared with me this past weekend that they too had to retire early due to health reasons and that they also went through what I am going through now. As a pastor you devote your life to people and you are expected, right or wrong, to take it from your congregation. In 45 years of full-time ministry, most of that time as a pastor, I would always think that I had hear it all, until the next time. Part of listening to good and bad through the years has physically and mentally taken it's toil on this old boy. I am certainly not a better man for it.
I have learned in life that when you identify as a pastor, people automatically begin to tell you their problems whether you are their pastor or not. I accepted that and prayed for hundreds of people that I don't really even know, but I did so because I was asked too. That never bothered me in the least. However, it was those people who thought I should have an answer for their problem, or always wanted to know why certain things happened to them that would drive me crazy.
Pastors are not fortune tellers. We cannot predict the future. We can pray and believe that it influences the outcome, but it's still up to God. I've questioned why I had this stroke and couldn't continue as a pastor. I tried for 9 more moths, but just couldn't completely recover. I knew what I could do before the stroke as a pastor, but even though I can still preach I knew with my limited abilities I couldn't continue to pastor.
Was I expecting this? No! Did I anticipate this? No! Yet, God let it happen to me. Me! I am a Holy Ghost filled believer, an Ordained Bishop in the Church of God, a long-time pastor, but it happened to me. The doctors have come to a conclusion that the main factor was stress. I was on preventative medicines that should have prevented a stroke, but I had one and had to retire on disability. This is not the glorious retirement I've heard so much about. I had to retire or die.
The first thing someone will say is the Bible says "to be anxious for nothing" and I agree, but pastor where I did the last few years and you would understand what anxiety was. Someone always complaining, always fussing, always talking about past glories, and never able to see beyond what once was. It was the first time in my ministry I faced a church that had very little future because their hopes and dreams had passed them by. It had been a long time since I had people tell me they loved me and then would spiritually stab me in the back. It did take it's toil and I became her victim.
Some of the things I will share over the next few days are from my heart. God spoke to me yesterday in our morning service and told me to write what my heart said to write. I will try not to be offensive, but I hope this may help someone struggling like I am today. God reminded me last week my journey isn't over yet and that from every struggle, hurt, and disappointment in life, all things will work together for my good. I don't understand it all, but I do trust Him. If you are where I'm at today, then learn to trust Him. Not people, preachers, or denominations. We will let you down from time to time, but God won't.
It's Time To Remember
-"In God We Trust" is our national motto. (36 United States Code USC), Section 186)
-"In God We Trust" has been on our coins since 1863, even before it was our national motto. (31 USC, Section 5112(D)(1))
-Our Pledge of Allegiance cites "one nation under God."
-Both state legislatures and United States Congress employ paid chaplains to pray at the opening of all sessions.
-All military branches of the United States government have paid chaplains.
-The inscription on the Liberty Bell cites Leviticus 25:10:
"And ye shall hallow the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof: it shall be a jubilee unto you; and ye shall return every man unto his possession, and ye shall return every man unto his family."
"And ye shall hallow the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof: it shall be a jubilee unto you; and ye shall return every man unto his possession, and ye shall return every man unto his family."
-A portrait of Moses with the Ten Commandments hangs above the Speaker's chair in the United States Congress. (But this is illegal in our public schools and municipal government buildings.) It is shameful that the very institution which governs us and makes the laws are able to display the Ten Commandments but the citizens cannot. Does this form of government sound familiar?
-The Library of Congress (another government institution) has statues of the apostle Paul and Moses, and it has large inscriptions of Micah 6:8 and Psalms 19:1 prominently displayed. (Try pulling that off at the next high school football game.)
-"He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" Micah 6:8
-"The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament showeth his handiwork." Psalms 19:1
-The Lincoln Memorial (Government property) has chiseled on it, "Judgments of the Lord are righteous."
-The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier is dedicated to a soldier "Known but to God."
-There is a prayer room in Congress. (Go tell your local school board you want the same thing that "our" Government has....a prayer room. Better yet, ask the ACLU if they will either allow prayer rooms in our schools or fight to have the one in our Government removed... just for grins of course.)
-This has to be the best one yet.
The very branch of our US Government which ruled against prayers at a high school football game opens the Supreme Court Session with the words, "God save the United States and this honorable court." They do this publicly, not privately.
The very branch of our US Government which ruled against prayers at a high school football game opens the Supreme Court Session with the words, "God save the United States and this honorable court." They do this publicly, not privately.
-The United States Constitution refers to Jesus, stating the Constitution was signed in 1787 "in the year of our Lord." (Could the US Government explain which "Lord" they were referring to on this document, if not Jesus?)
-The United States Government has mandated "National Day of Prayer." (36 USC, Section 169(h)). (Think about that.... The very government which has ruled against public prayer at schools because of the misguided "Separation of Church and State" doctrine has mandated a "National Day of Prayer" -- by US Government Law!!)
Separation of Church and State. Maybe it is the believers in the US who have been separated from the State. Has that ever happened in recent world history? Think about it.
God Bless America!
God Bless America!
Saturday, May 28, 2016
A Moment Of Remebrance
Nobody is exactly sure when and where the Memorial Day tradition was started.
The historical record indicates that President Lyndon Baines Johnson officially declared Waterloo, N.Y., as the birthplace of Memorial Day by presidential proclamation in 1966. But at least one online source – http://www.usmemorialday.org/ – indicates there are more than two dozen other communities that also claim to be the place where the first American Memorial Day was observed, from Columbus, Ga., to Columbus, Miss. to 22 or so places not named Columbus.
Regardless of where the actual birthplace of Memorial Day was, it’s pretty clear that the practice started during the years following the Civil War as a way of remembering and honoring those who gave their lives during that conflict. In many places, women decorated the graves of their dead soldiers with flowers in much the same way that early Egyptians, Greeks and Romans used flowers and flower petals as part of their funeral rites and rituals – which is why it has often been referred to as Decoration Day through the years.
Eventually it became a national holiday called Memorial Day, and its scope was expanded to include paying tribute to fallen soldiers from every American war. Over time it has evolved into a day to honor the memory of all our departed loved ones, regardless of their military background – or lack thereof.
And that isn’t a bad thing, necessarily. Remembering beloved family members and friends is actually a good thing, and it ought to be done. This Memorial Day, for example, I’ll be remembering my Uncle's James Craven and James Stone, who are deceased and Jerry Blake, who will soon be 81. They served in the Navy, Air Force, and Marines.
That’s why we’re going to do something this year that we’ve never done before. On Monday, May 30, at precisely 3 p.m., we’re going to stop doing whatever we’re doing, wherever we are, to participate in the National Moment of Remembrance. I confess that I had never heard of this annual observance, but it’s been happening every year since 2000, when President Bill Clinton initiated it as a way to “pause and consider the true meaning of this holiday … honoring those Americans who died while defending our Nation and its values.”
It was President Clinton’s intent that each Memorial Day at 3 p.m. (local time), Americans would “pause for one minute … to remember and reflect on the sacrifices made by so many to provide freedom to all.” Major League Baseball games come to a brief stop. Amtrak train whistles sound wherever they are. Tourists at the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty and elsewhere are asked to pause for a moment of silent reflection.
Which is exactly what the Stone family will be doing this Memorial Day at 3 p.m. We’ll be reflecting, considering, remembering and praying for those who have paid the ultimate price for our freedom and their families. And for us as well-Because sometimes we forget to remember.
The historical record indicates that President Lyndon Baines Johnson officially declared Waterloo, N.Y., as the birthplace of Memorial Day by presidential proclamation in 1966. But at least one online source – http://www.usmemorialday.org/ – indicates there are more than two dozen other communities that also claim to be the place where the first American Memorial Day was observed, from Columbus, Ga., to Columbus, Miss. to 22 or so places not named Columbus.
Regardless of where the actual birthplace of Memorial Day was, it’s pretty clear that the practice started during the years following the Civil War as a way of remembering and honoring those who gave their lives during that conflict. In many places, women decorated the graves of their dead soldiers with flowers in much the same way that early Egyptians, Greeks and Romans used flowers and flower petals as part of their funeral rites and rituals – which is why it has often been referred to as Decoration Day through the years.
Eventually it became a national holiday called Memorial Day, and its scope was expanded to include paying tribute to fallen soldiers from every American war. Over time it has evolved into a day to honor the memory of all our departed loved ones, regardless of their military background – or lack thereof.
And that isn’t a bad thing, necessarily. Remembering beloved family members and friends is actually a good thing, and it ought to be done. This Memorial Day, for example, I’ll be remembering my Uncle's James Craven and James Stone, who are deceased and Jerry Blake, who will soon be 81. They served in the Navy, Air Force, and Marines.
That’s why we’re going to do something this year that we’ve never done before. On Monday, May 30, at precisely 3 p.m., we’re going to stop doing whatever we’re doing, wherever we are, to participate in the National Moment of Remembrance. I confess that I had never heard of this annual observance, but it’s been happening every year since 2000, when President Bill Clinton initiated it as a way to “pause and consider the true meaning of this holiday … honoring those Americans who died while defending our Nation and its values.”
It was President Clinton’s intent that each Memorial Day at 3 p.m. (local time), Americans would “pause for one minute … to remember and reflect on the sacrifices made by so many to provide freedom to all.” Major League Baseball games come to a brief stop. Amtrak train whistles sound wherever they are. Tourists at the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty and elsewhere are asked to pause for a moment of silent reflection.
Which is exactly what the Stone family will be doing this Memorial Day at 3 p.m. We’ll be reflecting, considering, remembering and praying for those who have paid the ultimate price for our freedom and their families. And for us as well-Because sometimes we forget to remember.
Friday, May 27, 2016
We Honor You
On Monday we honor all of you,
Who served your country with pride,
You risked your life for all of us,
As you fought side by side.
Your strength and courage always showed,
No matter what the danger might be,
And you did all of this,
So that we could be free.
Thank you for what you've done,
And now we will all pray,
For each and everyone of you,
On Monday, May 30, 2016-Memorial Day.
Who served your country with pride,
You risked your life for all of us,
As you fought side by side.
Your strength and courage always showed,
No matter what the danger might be,
And you did all of this,
So that we could be free.
Thank you for what you've done,
And now we will all pray,
For each and everyone of you,
On Monday, May 30, 2016-Memorial Day.
Saturday, May 21, 2016
Don't Say This To Police...
- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
- Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
- Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
- Are You Andy or Barney?
- I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.
- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
- I pay your salary!
- Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
- Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
- I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
- When the Officer says "Gee Son... Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
- Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
- Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
- Are You Andy or Barney?
- I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.
- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
- I pay your salary!
- Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
- Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
- I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
- When the Officer says "Gee Son... Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Bible Reciting Parrot
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.
She wrote: " Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
Luv Ya, MAMA
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.
She wrote: " Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
Luv Ya, MAMA
Only In Sunday School
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was?
Susie raised her hand, stood-up tall, and said: "Thous shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
At Sunday-School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of Adam's rib. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what's the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy replied "no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church." The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy "if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?"
To which the boy replied, "yes he did, dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Susie raised her hand, stood-up tall, and said: "Thous shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
At Sunday-School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of Adam's rib. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what's the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy replied "no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church." The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy "if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?"
To which the boy replied, "yes he did, dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Politically Correct School Terms
- No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."
- You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
- Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
- These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
- Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
- Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
- Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
- You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
- You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
- You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
- You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
- No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
- You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
- You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
- You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
- You're not being sent to the principals office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."
- It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."
LESSON OF JONAH
A Sunday school teacher was teaching about Jonah:
"And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, saying 'I called to the Lord out of my distress and He answered me'." (Jonah 1:17 -- 2:2,10)
When she had finished reading, the teacher said, "Now, children, you have heard the Bible story of Jonah and the whale. What does this story teach us?"
Ten-year-old Mark shouted out: "You can't keep a good man down!"
"And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, saying 'I called to the Lord out of my distress and He answered me'." (Jonah 1:17 -- 2:2,10)
When she had finished reading, the teacher said, "Now, children, you have heard the Bible story of Jonah and the whale. What does this story teach us?"
Ten-year-old Mark shouted out: "You can't keep a good man down!"
Sunday, May 15, 2016
If I Can Do It So Can You
Helen Marjorie Dowd tells this story that's worth repeating:
Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.”
When I started school, I did not know what was expected of me, so I would sit at my desk and cry, or chew on a pencil, an eraser, a ruler, or a crayon. I was what someone once called a "crayon eater." In other words, I began school not "understanding the rules."
But whose rules? Do you need rules to become an artist, a musician, a writer?
On my first day of school, not understanding what the teacher expected of me, I just cried, and ate the chalk. Then, as I proceeded to the higher grades, I still did not understand what it was that my "betters" required of me... In the second grade the teacher shook me because I didn't understand how to add. Well, let me tell you, Mrs. White, since becoming an adult, I have worked as a bookkeeper; and even now, as a senior, I do people's income tax.... In the fourth grade I was told I read too slowly. Too slowly for what? Did it matter Mrs. Robinson? I still can tell you exactly what grade I was in, and where I was sitting in class, when a certain piece of knowledge entered my brain. Slow to get there? Perhaps, but the knowledge was permanent.
It was in the seventh grade that the teacher told me I gave up too easily, and would never amount to anything. Thanks Mr. McKenzie! But because of a supportive husband, who will never let me give up, I have been able to prove you wrong... My grade eight teacher flung my book across the floor, after reading one of my GOOD stories, telling me that I must have cheated. That couldn't have been MY story. I wasn't bright enough to compose anything that intelligent. Well, Mrs. Jordan. If you were living, and I could find you, I would tell you that you were wrong. I have not only composed many stories, but I have written a book, and I write poetry on a regular basis.
In the tenth grade my typing teacher told me I would never make a typist. Wrong again. Not only have I worked as a secretary, I am typing now. Where are you, Mrs.Yand? In heaven, I hope.
I could go on, but the point of this essay is not to tell the world about my accomplishments: they are few. It is to encourage anyone reading this that YOU CAN DO IT. Don't let anyone discourage you from fulfilling your dreams.
Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.”
When I started school, I did not know what was expected of me, so I would sit at my desk and cry, or chew on a pencil, an eraser, a ruler, or a crayon. I was what someone once called a "crayon eater." In other words, I began school not "understanding the rules."
But whose rules? Do you need rules to become an artist, a musician, a writer?
On my first day of school, not understanding what the teacher expected of me, I just cried, and ate the chalk. Then, as I proceeded to the higher grades, I still did not understand what it was that my "betters" required of me... In the second grade the teacher shook me because I didn't understand how to add. Well, let me tell you, Mrs. White, since becoming an adult, I have worked as a bookkeeper; and even now, as a senior, I do people's income tax.... In the fourth grade I was told I read too slowly. Too slowly for what? Did it matter Mrs. Robinson? I still can tell you exactly what grade I was in, and where I was sitting in class, when a certain piece of knowledge entered my brain. Slow to get there? Perhaps, but the knowledge was permanent.
It was in the seventh grade that the teacher told me I gave up too easily, and would never amount to anything. Thanks Mr. McKenzie! But because of a supportive husband, who will never let me give up, I have been able to prove you wrong... My grade eight teacher flung my book across the floor, after reading one of my GOOD stories, telling me that I must have cheated. That couldn't have been MY story. I wasn't bright enough to compose anything that intelligent. Well, Mrs. Jordan. If you were living, and I could find you, I would tell you that you were wrong. I have not only composed many stories, but I have written a book, and I write poetry on a regular basis.
In the tenth grade my typing teacher told me I would never make a typist. Wrong again. Not only have I worked as a secretary, I am typing now. Where are you, Mrs.Yand? In heaven, I hope.
I could go on, but the point of this essay is not to tell the world about my accomplishments: they are few. It is to encourage anyone reading this that YOU CAN DO IT. Don't let anyone discourage you from fulfilling your dreams.
If I CAN DO IT, So Can You!
When life throws its daggers and arrows your way,
Never stagger, nor falter, nor weakness display.
Stand up to your foe. Look him straight in the face.
Don’t let problems beat you, nor cause you disgrace.
It’s YOUR life to rule, so YOU take control.
Keep your eyes straight ahead. Don’t lose sight of your goal.
“Unto thee lift I up mine eyes. O thou that dwellest in the heavens.” Psalm 123:1
When life throws its daggers and arrows your way,
Never stagger, nor falter, nor weakness display.
Stand up to your foe. Look him straight in the face.
Don’t let problems beat you, nor cause you disgrace.
It’s YOUR life to rule, so YOU take control.
Keep your eyes straight ahead. Don’t lose sight of your goal.
“Unto thee lift I up mine eyes. O thou that dwellest in the heavens.” Psalm 123:1
Just Think
Just think of how wonderful this world could be if all of us helped each other.
-Think of every child being held in loving arms.
-Think of a hand up for everyone who has fallen.
-Think of sweet smiles between strangers.
-Think of hugs of happiness between friends.
-Think of words of encouragement for every struggling student.
-Think of the sick being cared for, the lost being prayed for, and the elderly and disabled being watched over.
-Think of acts of kindness everywhere, blessing our lives and uplifting our spirits.
-Think of all of us connected together by helping hands and loving hearts.
-Think of what would happen if even when we couldn’t help others we at least didn’t hurt them.
What would happen if every time we felt a nasty comment coming to our mouth we placed our hand over it? What would happen if every time we raised a hand in anger we grasped it with our other hand and said a prayer instead? This whole world would feel more like Heaven because so many of us would be bringing Heaven here to Earth. Everything would be brighter because God’s love and light would be flowing out of each of our souls.
This request is so simple, but it has the strength to change your heart and your life. It has the power to make this whole world better. So put the power of thought into action and be the blessing God want's you to be.
-Think of every child being held in loving arms.
-Think of a hand up for everyone who has fallen.
-Think of sweet smiles between strangers.
-Think of hugs of happiness between friends.
-Think of words of encouragement for every struggling student.
-Think of the sick being cared for, the lost being prayed for, and the elderly and disabled being watched over.
-Think of acts of kindness everywhere, blessing our lives and uplifting our spirits.
-Think of all of us connected together by helping hands and loving hearts.
-Think of what would happen if even when we couldn’t help others we at least didn’t hurt them.
What would happen if every time we felt a nasty comment coming to our mouth we placed our hand over it? What would happen if every time we raised a hand in anger we grasped it with our other hand and said a prayer instead? This whole world would feel more like Heaven because so many of us would be bringing Heaven here to Earth. Everything would be brighter because God’s love and light would be flowing out of each of our souls.
This request is so simple, but it has the strength to change your heart and your life. It has the power to make this whole world better. So put the power of thought into action and be the blessing God want's you to be.
Children Know Love
Read on and be surprised that despite their young and innocent minds, children 4-8, already have a simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word.
- "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
- "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
- "Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings."
- "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
- "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
- "Love is if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That means you're in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be okay."
- "Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redbird."
- "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
- "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
- "You can break love, but it won't die."
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Ozark Speak
I spent some time growing up in and around the Ozarks. The Ozark manner of speech dates back to more relaxed times when people just said what they had to and didn't worry about "proper grammar" or "proper pronunciation."
Ozark Speak - English Translation - Proper Ozark Usage.
-Afeared - Afraid - He's afeared of his own shadow.
-A-Fixin - Getting Ready - We're a-fixin to go to town.
-Aim - Intend or Plan - I aim to go to town soon.
-Biggety - Stuck up or Show off - Well aint she biggety lately!
-Chimbley - Chimney - Santa Claus comes down the chimbley.
-Clum - Climbed - I Clum that tree over yonder.
-Crick - Creek - I'm goin to the crick to go swimmin'.
-Dawg - Dog - That shore is a dumb dawg.
-Doin's - A function or gathering - Are you goin to the doins tonight?
-Dreckly - Soon - I'll be there directly.
-Et - Eaten - Have you et yet?
-Fetch - Bring or Go Ge t- I want you to fetch the eggs fer me.
-Fer - For - Lets rest here fer a spell.
-Frog - Strangler - A Hard Rain That shor was a frog strangler.
-Gander - To look - Take a gander at that there bird!
-Git Get Go git some milk from that cow.
-Gully warsher - See Frog Strangler - That shore was a gully warsher.
-Haint - Ain't - I haint going to the store for Roastners today.
-Hankerin - Craving - I have a hankerin for Roastners.
-Hep - Help - Hep me warsh this dawg!
-Hisn - His - That dog is hisn.
-Holler - A Valley - My family lives down in the Holler.
-Kivver - Covered - That tree is kivvered with leaves.
-Liketa - Nearly - I liketa broke my neck when I tripped.
-Mighty - Definitely - She shore is mighty mean today.
-Naw - No - Naw, I aint a-fixen to go to the doins.
-Necked - Unclothed - Get Necked and throw them clothes in the warsh tub.
3 Tough Mice
Three mice are sitting at a table in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse replies, "Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got a date with the cat.
The first mouse turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse replies, "Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got a date with the cat.
If My Body Were A Car
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model . . .
- I have lumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull - but that's not the worst of it.
- My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG - now they look more like my mom's old Buick.
- My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging.
- Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Ben & Jerry's opened a shop in my neighbourhood.
- Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.
- I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when is the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?
- My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
- My reaction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
- My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
- I'm burning fuel at an inefficient rate. But here's the worst of it: almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, I leak fluids. I'm so ready for a trade in! Anyone know where I can get a good deal?
First Time Prayer
A man came to church for the very first time in his life. He heard a sermon that really tugged at his heart strings and felt the need to answer the invitation to become a Christian. When he shared his story about never having attended church the preacher thought surely the new convert was someone special. The preacher urged the man to come back that night to take part in the evening service.
When the man arrived the preacher told the man he needed him to perform a special task. The pastor wanted him to say the benediction at the end of the service. The new convert protested and said, "Pastor, I've never been to church in my life. How am I supposed to know how to pray in public in only the second church service I've ever attended.
The preacher said, "That's OK. I have a plan. I've written you a prayer you can read. Just sit back here on the back row next to the coat rack. Place this prayer I've written in your hat. As the service is closing out, just reach back here behind you, pick up your hat and read the prayer."
The new Christian reluctantly agreed to the plan. At the end of the service the preached called the man by name and asked him to offer the closing prayer. On cue, the man reached to the hat rack behind him, and picked up a hat. As planned he started the prayer. In a loud voice he said, "DEAR GOD... this is NOT my hat...."
When the man arrived the preacher told the man he needed him to perform a special task. The pastor wanted him to say the benediction at the end of the service. The new convert protested and said, "Pastor, I've never been to church in my life. How am I supposed to know how to pray in public in only the second church service I've ever attended.
The preacher said, "That's OK. I have a plan. I've written you a prayer you can read. Just sit back here on the back row next to the coat rack. Place this prayer I've written in your hat. As the service is closing out, just reach back here behind you, pick up your hat and read the prayer."
The new Christian reluctantly agreed to the plan. At the end of the service the preached called the man by name and asked him to offer the closing prayer. On cue, the man reached to the hat rack behind him, and picked up a hat. As planned he started the prayer. In a loud voice he said, "DEAR GOD... this is NOT my hat...."
A Good Day
Perhaps the key to having a great life is to live it one good day at a time. Perhaps the key to being happy in this world is to love all we today and let God take care of our tomorrow.
My day usually starts with a walk, exercises, and prayer. After that a hearty breakfast followed by some study and writing. Then I head out to do what needs to be done and sing along with the CD or Radio playing in my car with a loud voice and a happy heart.
My good day was just beginning. I helped it along by giving a cheerful greeting to everyone I met. I shared smiles and was happy to have them returned. I offered a helping hand to one friend and a pat on the back to another. Later at a store I opened the door for a lady with her arms full of packages. I told a tired waitress what a good job she was doing and watched her whole face light up.
When I got home I gave my granddaughter, who was visiting a hug, kissed my oldest grandson on the head, and laughed and played with my youngest grandson before doing some work on the computer. Then I tried to share a little good humor, a kind word, a bit of inspiration, and a loving thought with m Facebook followers around the world. Later in the evening I spent some quiet time resting, talking with my wife, and watched a little TV. Finally I ended the day the way I started it-thanking God for this world, my life, and the chance to live for one more good day.
My good day was just beginning. I helped it along by giving a cheerful greeting to everyone I met. I shared smiles and was happy to have them returned. I offered a helping hand to one friend and a pat on the back to another. Later at a store I opened the door for a lady with her arms full of packages. I told a tired waitress what a good job she was doing and watched her whole face light up.
When I got home I gave my granddaughter, who was visiting a hug, kissed my oldest grandson on the head, and laughed and played with my youngest grandson before doing some work on the computer. Then I tried to share a little good humor, a kind word, a bit of inspiration, and a loving thought with m Facebook followers around the world. Later in the evening I spent some quiet time resting, talking with my wife, and watched a little TV. Finally I ended the day the way I started it-thanking God for this world, my life, and the chance to live for one more good day.
My life changed on February 16, 2015. The stroke I had has affected every sphere of my life, but I'm still here for some reason or purpose. To me from now on, every day is a good day.
How We Walk Through Life
How we walk down a street and how we walk through life are very different things. Because of my stroke I can't help how I walk down a street, but I want to be intentional about how I walk through life.
Through life, I want to walk gently. I want to treat all people with reverence and respect. I want to remove my shoes in the presence of holy ground. As much as possible, I want to walk in peace.
I want to walk lightly, even joyfully, through whatever days I am given, which isn't easy after a stroke. I want to laugh easily and I want to step carefully in and out of people's lives and relationships. I don't want to tread any heavier than necessary.
And throughout life, I think I would like to walk with more humility and less anger, more love and less fear. I want to walk confidently, but without arrogance. I want to walk in deep appreciation. I want to be genuinely thankful for life's wonderful yet simple, gifts. like a loving wife, son and daughter-in-law, and 5 marvelous grand children
If life is a journey, then how I make that journey is important. How I walk through life. But still I wonder how I look when I walk down a street.
Through life, I want to walk gently. I want to treat all people with reverence and respect. I want to remove my shoes in the presence of holy ground. As much as possible, I want to walk in peace.
I want to walk lightly, even joyfully, through whatever days I am given, which isn't easy after a stroke. I want to laugh easily and I want to step carefully in and out of people's lives and relationships. I don't want to tread any heavier than necessary.
And throughout life, I think I would like to walk with more humility and less anger, more love and less fear. I want to walk confidently, but without arrogance. I want to walk in deep appreciation. I want to be genuinely thankful for life's wonderful yet simple, gifts. like a loving wife, son and daughter-in-law, and 5 marvelous grand children
If life is a journey, then how I make that journey is important. How I walk through life. But still I wonder how I look when I walk down a street.
Friday, May 13, 2016
New Pastor's Sermon
Did you hear the story about the new pastor that preached a beautiful sermon on his first Sunday in the new church?
However, the second Sunday he got up and preached the same sermon word for word as he had the Sunday before. The third and fourth Sundays were identically the same thing.
On the fifth Sunday he got up and said, "how many of you think you know what I am going to preach about?" Not a hand was raised. The pastor said, "Well, since I have already preached it four times and you still don't know what I have to say to you, it's not going to be worth my time preaching it. You are all dismissed."
On the sixth Sunday he asked, "How many of you think you know what I am going to preach about?" Since they had checked with each other during the week about how to handle the situation, every single hand was raised.
"Well," said the pastor, "since you already know what I am going to say, I really don't see any need to bore you with the sermon all over again. You are dismissed."
Seventh Sunday--the congregation was prepared for him. When he stood to ask how many thought they knew what he was going to preach about everyone on the left side of the church raised their hands and no one on the right side did. They were going to get him to preach again one way or the other. As he surveyed the situation he simply replied, "Well, those of you on the left tell those of you on the right and then you can go home. You are dismissed!"
However, the second Sunday he got up and preached the same sermon word for word as he had the Sunday before. The third and fourth Sundays were identically the same thing.
On the fifth Sunday he got up and said, "how many of you think you know what I am going to preach about?" Not a hand was raised. The pastor said, "Well, since I have already preached it four times and you still don't know what I have to say to you, it's not going to be worth my time preaching it. You are all dismissed."
On the sixth Sunday he asked, "How many of you think you know what I am going to preach about?" Since they had checked with each other during the week about how to handle the situation, every single hand was raised.
"Well," said the pastor, "since you already know what I am going to say, I really don't see any need to bore you with the sermon all over again. You are dismissed."
Seventh Sunday--the congregation was prepared for him. When he stood to ask how many thought they knew what he was going to preach about everyone on the left side of the church raised their hands and no one on the right side did. They were going to get him to preach again one way or the other. As he surveyed the situation he simply replied, "Well, those of you on the left tell those of you on the right and then you can go home. You are dismissed!"
Friday, May 6, 2016
Mom's Treasures
My Mom is one of the richest people on Earth. Her treasures are glorious to behold. Her wealth isn’t in her bank account, though. Like most people growing up we lived from paycheck to paycheck. She doesn’t have a big house. For most of my childhood we lived in church parsonages. My Mom doesn’t own an expensive car. She doesn’t own any fancy gems or jewelry. There were no designer clothes or fur coats in her closet. She has worn regular clothing almost everyday of her life.
Yet, my Mom’s treasures are far more precious than just things. She has a kind heart. She is always ready to help anyone at anytime. She has a giving spirit even at 81 years of age. Although we didn’t have much while I was growing up she was always willing to share what we did have with others. She has a gentle laugh. I remember as a boy sitting on the porch listening to my parents talk and hearing the sweet sound of my Mom’s laughter. She has always had a loving soul. It makes her eyes sparkle, her smile shine, and it overflows in everything she does. Even though we were considered poor in the eyes of the world, I always feel wealthy when I am around her. She gives me the riches of love, hugs, and happiness she taught me about God’s treasures in Paradise.
The American dream has always been that we could do better than our parents did. We could get a better education, a better job, a better home, and a better income. My dream is that I may be half as loving, giving, kind, gentle, and good, as my Mom is. My dream is to always make her smile.
Sermon Blooper
A large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers.
One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked!
He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head, but it seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!"
His congregation sat shocked.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out,
"And I can't remember who she was!"
One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked!
He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head, but it seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!"
His congregation sat shocked.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out,
"And I can't remember who she was!"
A Little Medicine
INSPIRING MUSIC
A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he talked with the organist to see what kind of inspirational music she could play after the announcement about the finances to get the congregation in a giving mood.
"Don't worry," she said. "I'll think of something."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
Just at that moment, the organist started playing, "The Star Spangled Banner."
*************************************************
THE END IS NEAR
A priest and pastor from the local parishes were standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that read, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. As the first driver sped past, he yelled, "Leave us alone you religious nuts!"
From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. One clergyman said to the other, "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says, 'Bridge Out' instead?"
A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he talked with the organist to see what kind of inspirational music she could play after the announcement about the finances to get the congregation in a giving mood.
"Don't worry," she said. "I'll think of something."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
Just at that moment, the organist started playing, "The Star Spangled Banner."
*************************************************
THE END IS NEAR
A priest and pastor from the local parishes were standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that read, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. As the first driver sped past, he yelled, "Leave us alone you religious nuts!"
From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. One clergyman said to the other, "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says, 'Bridge Out' instead?"
GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
The Birth Order Of Children
Your Clothes:
- 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
- 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
- 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
- 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
- 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
- 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
- 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
- 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
- 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
- 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
- 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when his/her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
- 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Pacifier:
- 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
- 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
- 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
- 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
- 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
- 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
- 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
- 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
- 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out:
- 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
- 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
- 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home:
- 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
- 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
- 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins:
- 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
- 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
- 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!
Pass this on to everyone you know who has children... or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children... (the older the mother, the funnier this is !)
GRANDCHILDREN: ...God's reward for allowing your children to live.
Mothers Do It All
-This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here."
-Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.
-This is for all them mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
-For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.
-This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.
-Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.
-This is for all them mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
-For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.
-This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.
-This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.
-And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.
-And that when their kids asked "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.
-This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead.
-This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.
-This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.
-For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again, "Just on more time."
-This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.
-This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
-This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even thought they know their own offspring are at home--or even away at college-or have their own families.
-This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
-This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
-For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.
-For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
-This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.
-What makes a good Mother anyway?? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it in her Heart?? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time??
-The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 AM to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
-The panic, years later, that comes again at 2AM when you just hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?
-The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation.... And mature mothers learning to let go.
-For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without.
-This is for all. For all of us . . . . .
-Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them everyday that we love them. And pray and never stop being a mom.
Happy Mother's Day and Thanks!
In The Car With Mom
I was both excited and a little scared my first day of elementary school in Little Rock, Arkansas. The large classroom was full of books and toys, two things that I loved. But it was also full of kids I didn't know or had never seen before. Because of my dad's ministry as the State Youth Director of Arkansas we traveled a lot, so I really didn't grow up with a group of neighborhood kids that I really had strong ties with.
I think that my Mom sensed I was a little afraid. That was why she or dad were always there to pick me up right after school when I could have easily rode the bus. I would hop in the front seat next to her or him and tell them all about my day. Sometimes we would even read a book and wait until all the cars and buses had left before we drove home. I cherished those special times when I had my Mom all to myself. I felt so safe and peaceful when we sat in the car together. Beginning the new challenge of school didn’t seem so difficult when I knew that I could talk about it with her or my dad. Being a little kid in a big scary world wasn’t so bad either. I knew that my Mom loved me and that was all I needed to be loving, joyful, and strong.
As I look back on those happy times I can see now that they also prepared me for another special relationship that I would find later in life. All those times I spent talking to and being with my Earthly Mother and Dad helped me to later open my heart to my Heavenly Father. Mom's beautiful love led me to His. Her comforting arms guided me to His. Her gentle spirit took me to His. Even after dad left this world far too soon, I still feel her love with dad's flowing down from Heaven.
The next time that this world seems too scary or hard then don’t run away. Instead invite God into the car of your soul, close the doors, and spend some time alone together. If you do you will know that you are loved. If you do you too will become loving, joyful, and strong.
As I look back on those happy times I can see now that they also prepared me for another special relationship that I would find later in life. All those times I spent talking to and being with my Earthly Mother and Dad helped me to later open my heart to my Heavenly Father. Mom's beautiful love led me to His. Her comforting arms guided me to His. Her gentle spirit took me to His. Even after dad left this world far too soon, I still feel her love with dad's flowing down from Heaven.
The next time that this world seems too scary or hard then don’t run away. Instead invite God into the car of your soul, close the doors, and spend some time alone together. If you do you will know that you are loved. If you do you too will become loving, joyful, and strong.
Monday, May 2, 2016
Don't Try And Cross The Field Unless...
You heard about the sign posted on a rancher's fence? On the other side of the fence resides the biggest, meanest looking bull you can imagine. The sign is intended to strike fear into the hearts of would-be trespassers. It reads: "Don't attempt to cross this field unless you can do it in 9.9 seconds. The bull can do it in 10 flat!"
Don't try to cross that field unless you are prepared! And isn't that the way it is in life? We have to be ready when the opportunity arises or else we will have little chance of success.
What is it you would like to happen that isn't happening? Perhaps the answer is that you are not yet ready. Maybe you need more time to prepare before you are truly ready for that which you desire. You can't cross the field until you can outrun the bull!
Think of today as another chance to prepare yourself for that exciting future you are looking for.
-Today is not wasted.
-If you desire more from life, then use today as your training ground.
-You will experience only what you are prepared to experience.
-Something wonderful can happen today and you can use today to get ready for tomorrow.
Just be prepared to outrun the bull. That's why delay is not always bad, but giving you a chance to get in better spiritual shape. Remember that when you are walking through a valley and you will reach the next mountain.
Don't try to cross that field unless you are prepared! And isn't that the way it is in life? We have to be ready when the opportunity arises or else we will have little chance of success.
What is it you would like to happen that isn't happening? Perhaps the answer is that you are not yet ready. Maybe you need more time to prepare before you are truly ready for that which you desire. You can't cross the field until you can outrun the bull!
Think of today as another chance to prepare yourself for that exciting future you are looking for.
-Today is not wasted.
-If you desire more from life, then use today as your training ground.
-You will experience only what you are prepared to experience.
-Something wonderful can happen today and you can use today to get ready for tomorrow.
Just be prepared to outrun the bull. That's why delay is not always bad, but giving you a chance to get in better spiritual shape. Remember that when you are walking through a valley and you will reach the next mountain.
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