The Parisee's Night Before Christmas

Every Christmas season I get e-mail from folks who protest that Christmas is a pagan, commercialized holiday that Christians have no business celebrating. Here's a little something for those Christians who, in spite of what the Bible says on the subject, confuse their personal convictions with absolute truth:

'Twas the night before Christmas in the Pharisee's house
Not a dissenter whispered; not even his spouse.
The plywood was nailed o'er the fireplace with care
No demonic "Santa" would dare show up there!

The children were cowering in fear in their beds,
Wondering if Dad heard a voice in his head.
"Christmas is pagan!" he'd ranted and raved
"How can you kiss Baal and expect to get saved?"

"But it's Jesus' birthday tomorrow!" one child said.
"No, it's not!" his dad thundered, his face turning red.
"It's vile Saturnalia! Now get up to your room
And pray God will spare you hell's fiery doom!"

His wife tucked them in, then came back downstairs.
And timidly said, "I'm not sure this is fair."
"Fair schmair!" he yelled back. "You can't argue with facts!"
And he stomped off to study his old Jack Chick tracts.

As he read about Baphomet, old Babylon
And the Great Whore of Rome and its demonic spawn.
When what, his deaf ears could no longer ignore,
But a quiet, gentle tapping out at the front door.

He saw through the peephole long hair and dark eyes.
Annoyed and impatient, he heaved a great sigh.
"A beggar!" he groused. "Can't these bums just get jobs?"
He shut off the alarm and twisted the knob.

The stranger's eyes twinkled with humor and love
The moonlight glowed soft on his head from above.
The Pharisee sneered, and I think I should mention
He'd've known who it was if he'd just paid attention.

"Look, I gave at the office!" the Pharisee lied,
"So don't look for a handout!" The stranger just smiled.
"You have nothing for me," said the stranger, "that's true;
But you see, I came here to give something to you."

"You give something to me?" said the Pharisee. "Right!
Lemme guess: You can bless me this holiday night
With a chance to give generously, hmm? Well, forget it!"
Said the stranger with sorrow, "My friend, you don't get it."

"It's not about money at all," said the stranger,
"My gift is to warn you your soul is in danger.
I offer you peace, hope and joy - free! Try it!
If you knew the Father, you'd know you can't buy it."

"If I knew the Father?" the Pharisee yelled, till
The stranger's head rang like the Liberty Bell.
"God himself is my Father!" the Pharisee swore.
The stranger's eyes rolled. He'd heard that one before.

"Who do you," said the Pharisee, "think you are? Eh?
To malign my good standing with God in this way?"
The stranger replied to this challenge as well:
"Does 'I stand at the door and I knock' ring a bell?"

The Pharisee said, "Oh, you want to come in?
And after you dared to accuse me of sin?
Not if you were the last of the whole human race!"
And so saying, he banged the door shut in his face.

Then the stranger exclaimed as he went down the walk,
"I'll always be listening if you want to talk.
I'll return soon, my friend: I'll come, ready or not;
And if you're not prepared, things are gonna get hot!"