The best way to survive a gossiper is not to fight fire with fire, but let them get burnt with their own fire.
(1) When you hear gossip, call it out as gossip. Psalm 34:13 "Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies."
Don't call it something else. Reveal and expose it for the exaggeration that it is. Don't try to whitewash it. If you consciously or verbally refuse to recognize or accept it, you are less likely to pass it on. Speaking out loud to the gossiper in front of others and telling them you refuse to participate in this evil, will discourage them from trying to recruit you into their evil conversation. Mark them down for what they are and don't compromise. You do not owe it to them to stay in their good graces. They'll likely turn their attacks toward you for refusing to participate in their folly. That's when you'll see the true sign of who their spiritual master is.
(2) When a person tells you something about someone else ask yourself: 'Is this hearsay or fact?'
Psalm 39:1 "I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence."
Remember also how little things can be grossly exaggerated. Do not pass along hearsay as 'facts' or as the truth. Check all of the facts and hear both sides of the story before you believe it. When you let the enemy use your tongue to spread hearsay about the weakness of others, you are weakening the Kingdom and doing damage to the reputation of a brother or sister with whom you plan to spend eternity.
(3) We have the responsibility to warn and correct the gossiper.
Leviticus 19:16 "Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the Lord."
Their souls and eternal destiny are at stake. Ask the gossiper these pointed questions: 'Where did you get your information?' 'How do you know it is true?' If you know the person is spreading gossip, you are under an obligation to make him aware that Satan is using him. Say this: 'Instead of talking about this person, let's bow our heads and pray for him'.
We were going into a major remodeling project and trying to raise funds through donations and other means. A new member of the church called me and asked if we could have a singing and ask for a donation of a specific amount at the door. I told him I didn't have a problem with, but it would be hard to get a big name gospel group to come in for nothing. Well, he said that he would handle all of that so that the money raised would go toward our building project. So I released him to find out what he could and let me know.
He called me back just a few hours later and said he had a fairly decent group that could come 5 days from then and do a concert. He also said that all we would have to give them was $500.00 and a portion of the offering. I told him first of all that the timetable was too short for us to advertise and that I thought he had told me he was going to take care of the groups expense. "No pastor, you must have misunderstood me," was his reply. I can assure that was not the case. His story just changed.
I told him we wouldn't be able to do that because with paying them that amount of money plus a portion of the offering we wouldn't raise anything. He said he understood and the conversation was over. A few days later one of my elders calls me and tells me he needs to talk with me. This same gentleman and another had called my elder and told them that I didn't want to have the group because I didn't like them and they couldn't understand why I didn't want to raise the money. They insinuated that I had insulted this brother and hurt his feelings.
God gave me grace and I was able to stop it and even confronted the brother who had gossiped and LIED and he confessed that he did. Of course he left the church instead of apologizing to the body for the discord he had sown with his gossip. Yes, we lost some tithe money and a few in attendance, but God proved my integrity before the people. It was something that should have never happened, but it did because somebody took something out of context and tried to ruin me with it.
This stuff shouldn't happen in church, but it does. That's why we need the grace of God with and in us. Stand against gossip, don't give into it, and believe that God will shut the mouths of those who constantly seek to cause difficulty.
4 more things in closing:
-Keep your nose out of other people’s business.
-If you can’t say something good or encouraging about others, then just keep your mouth shut-Ephesians 4:29
-Never criticize another person, except to their own face with an intent to help. Criticism can never be “constructive” if expressed to anyone else.
-If you have been a gossiper, confess this as sin and ask Christ to forgive you. “Repent” by turning in a new direction and surrendering your tongue to Christ, not to gossip or bad-mouth again-1 John 1:9, 1 Corinthians 7:10
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