When you have been pastoring as long as I have things do affect you in more ways than one. I don't like to use the word fearful, so how about gun-shy. There's always one person in every crowd that you just don't want to be around because they are constantly critical or are looking for something to find fault with or about. You just get weary being around these people because they can see nothing good in anybody or anything. So you get gun-shy in their presence-you just want to walk the other way and avoid them.
I've ministered to many people with this kind of attitude problem, but one in particular stands out in my mind. She appeared to be so humble and spiritual and could talk the religious talk, but her actions were only focused on what she wanted or what she thought. If it wasn't something that was going to benefit her, then she was against it.
We had a precious widow lady in our church who through a sickness was in need of some special care. She had been an officer of our church for many years and was loved and respected by all for her dedicated service to the congregation. My wife thought it would be appropriate to assist her through our Women's Ministry with meals during her time of recovery. Everyone thought it was a good idea and pledged their support-everyone except It's All About Me. While I was out visiting she called my wife and raked her over the coals for even suggesting that the WM's do something like that. She complained we were going to set a double-standard if we did it for this widow and need and not for every sick person in the church. On and on she rambled and when I came in the pasrsonage my wife was in tears trying to get off the phone with her.
Finally she hung up and my wife tearfully told the raking out that she had received just for wanting to do something good for someone in need. I immediately got back in the car and drove to this ladies home. When she greeted me at the door she immediately jumped on me with the same stuff she did my wife. I listened for about 5 minutes and I finally said, "That's enough!" I quoted scripture to her, sharing what the Word of God said about caring for the other and stressing that each situation is unique and that when there is a need the church family is supposed to try and help. But no matter what I said, she refused to accept it. Basically she told me that when she was sick nobody did anything special for her from the church and she thought that it wasn't fair. My reply was truthful and forthright: "I wasn't your pastor then. I cannot answer for the man that was there before me. All that I can do is be responsible for the decisions that I make."
I knew I had made an enemy from that point forward. That was not my intention, nor desire, but because of her bad attitude and her experience she didn't want anyone else to be helped. I continued to pastor her and minister to her even though I knew secretly she was trying to do things to attack me behind the scenes. Yet because of her attitude and her thinking she had very little if any influence on people she was around.
Here's the thing we need to keep in mind when dealing with people like It's All About Me:
-Love them as a brother or a sister in Christ, but do not give them audience or allow them to influence you. The best thing that you can do is to just inform they are entitled to their opinion and that you love them, but that you don't have time to listen to their complaints, criticisms, and gripes.
If more people would do that those kind of people would either get right with God or just plain be quiet.
-Understand what the scriptures have to say about compassion and caring for your neighbor. John writes in 1 John 3:16-18 "Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him? My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."
It's one thing to say I'm a Christian, but it's another thing to prove. Being a Christian is not like being It's All About Me, but being like Christ.
-Remember who You are representing as a part of the church. Acts 2 tells us several times that the early church took care of one another and made sure that where practical and possible no partiality was showed. Everyone had all things common or basically understood where they stood with each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.
-Accept that there are some situations that present unique challenges. The little widow lady we were ministering to had a very small family and they were all either employed or sickly. They could not always provide the care that she needed during her recovery, nor could they afford to pay someone for 24 hour a day care. All we wanted to do was assist them in making sure she had a hot meal when they were unable to provide it.
Christians should always realize that just because one need has a unique circumstance and requires a little more effort doesn't mean it's special treatment. It just means you have to do a little more to get the same result, which is ministering to your family in Christ as Jesus would have done.
So to all the It's About Me's out there reading this understand-It's not about you, but it's about Him and what He told us to do. The quicker you can accept that, the better off you, your pastor, and the church will be.
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