Before we go any farther down this journey of surviving bad attitudes I need to clarify some things:
(1) I am not perfect. There have been some situations where I let bad attitudes toward me affect my attitude in general. I wish I could say that had never happened, but I would be lying if I did. Even today I try to avoid confrontations with people that have bad attitudes because I know the end result is usually not pleasant.
(2) I have not always made the right or even the best decisions. Again my imperfections show me that sometimes I could have dealt with situations just a little differently and maybe the outcome would have been better. However, most of the decisions I have made in dealing with people's bad attitudes have almost always ended with someone getting hurt, and that's usually been me.
(3) I don't have the right answers for every situation. Many times people use the church setting as a place to express their frustrations with life in general more than about what's right or wrong. When you're a pastor you are the one that usually takes the blunt of the attack good and/or bad. Again I say that it's no fun dealing with frustrated people, especially those that always show a bad attitude.
This is what we deal with on a daily basis. Somebody gets mad at something that was said by another person so we hear about it. Somebody (usually under conviction) doesn't like what you say from the pulpit and turns it into a weapon against you. Somebody (who in most cases wasn't in church) is told something was said from the pulpit and then develops a bad attitude over. Let's face it, some day's you just can't win!
That's why it's hard to stay sweet in a bitter world. People are frustrated at their lack of income and job security. They are frustrated at their fairy tale lives not coming to pass as they dreamed. They are frustrated with their relationships, children, job, and life in general. Because of these things they are looking for someone to attack and the pastor just happens to be the logical source.
Why the pastor? Well, he's supposed to be the guy that doesn't retaliate. He's the guy that we pay to dump on. He's the reason for my frustration. He's the man that's supposed to do something about this mess I've gotten myself into and doesn't seem to care. No matter what he does it's his fault I'm in the mess that I'm in. Does any of this sound familiar?
I could go on and on, but the bottom line is the title of this chapter. How do I stay sweet in a bitter world? I could give you a bunch of patented answers, but I want to step out of the box just a little because I have found that patented answers don't always work. So here goes:
(1) You have to learn that being a Christian or a pastor doesn't mean that you roll over and play dead.
Too many people expect us to just take garbage over and over because if we don't they will take their tithe money and leave. Or they will try to ruin us in the community or within the church if we don't let their bad attitudes rule us. I don't believe God intended for us to be that way. I believe that God wants us to do everything that we possibly can to make things right, but if we can't we still have to take a stand according to Ephesians 6.
Case in point: I had a member who had caused trouble for previous pastors and been dealt with by the church. After assuming the pastorate of the church, he came back into the fold after an extended absence of several years. He came to the altar, repented, and was well liked among the congregation. I really thought that he had changed and so did others.
He came in to my office and talked with me one day, telling me about his bad attitude in the past. He simply told me that if I ever felt he was hurting me or the church to tell him and he would move on without causing the problems like he had done before. He admitted to me that he had a problem with his attitude sometimes and often needed adjustment.
A few months went by and things were going good and then the bad attitude started flaring up. At first it was over simple things, then it begin to escalate to larger things. I called him into the office the first time and he apologized and did good for a little while longer. The second time he was more in a huff, but his own lies caught up with him and put him in a very vulnerable position so he had to accept discipline. The last time I just had to take a stand and instead of repenting or apologizing he just dropped out of church completely.
The sad part was I had learned to love him as a brother in Christ. We were great friends, yet I could not allow his bad attitude to affect my congregation any longer. It hurt me to have to take a stand, but I did so because to do anything less would have been a compromise to God's Word and to my integrity.
Did it cost me? Yes, both financially and emotionally, because I had to deal with the aftermath of his dismissal. It's in those times you have to learn to stay sweet and not grow bitter. Believe me again when I say that's easier said than done.
(Chapter 3 continued tomorrow)
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