Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 7-Sneak Attack (Continued)

The third area we have to deal with after we are blindsided is frustration. It is very frustrating when you have exhausted every effort to make sure an event goes exactly as planned and at the last minute someone blindsides you and things get all screwed up. You can have a every minute detail planned out before you and still have a sneak attack that will just leave you shaking your head and wondering what in the world just happened.

When these things occur the level of frustration builds to a point that you either give up, lose interest, or just refuse to keep on trying. You may say that's a little extreme, but ask any pastor or church leader who has dealt with a sneak attack and they will tell you the same thing almost every time. Instead of being positive and upbeat the mood can change in just a minute to something entirely different. That's how quickly frustration can take over a situation.

On one particular occasion I had an event planned for weeks and had announced it over and over. The day of the event two of my leaders that I needed to be involved in the service told me they wouldn't be there that night. When I asked why they informed me that the service we had planned just wasn't their cup of tea. Since it wasn't a regular service and it was something that they didn't really like, they just decided they would stay home. So here I am after weeks of announcing this service, 6 hours away from it's beginning, with two of my key personnel going to be absent. It's enough sometimes to make a grown man cry.

So what do you do to keep the frustration from overtaking you?

(1) Press on. If God is in the arrangement He will make a way. Some how when things seem to be the most frustrating God shows up to prove He is the author of it all. You and I just have to believe that He will do what He said and prove Himself in the midst of His people.

(2) Pull through. You can't climb out of any situation standing still. When we get frustrated we just want to walk away and give up. But I refuse to be a dungeon believer. I get out of the low places by pulling myself one step at a time from the muck and mire of discouragement. If I stay where I'm at I will sink and drown. I've come to far to let frustration get the best of me. Tomorrow is another day and God will see me through.

(3) Lift up. The Bible is full of Lift Up's. We are to lift up holy hand, we are to lift up our voices, we are to lift up one another, and we are to lift up praise to the Lord. Frustration steals all of those from a believer, so to combat that we must lift Him up. Jesus said, " If I be lifted up I will draw all men unto me." If that doesn't beat frustration nothing will!

So when the sneak attacks come (and believe me they will) don't let these three things affect you. Hold on and don't lose faith, don't become fearful, and don't let frustration win. God is on your side.

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 7-Sneak Attack (continued)

The second thing you want to do when a sneak attack comes your way is to begin to think that everybody is against you. That's especially true when someone says, "Well you know that's what everybody thinks!" Those that blindside us often are few in number, but they try to make it seem that they are more that are with them than there really are. It's their desire to instill fear within your heart and destroy your faith in yourself, others, and in God.

Read 2 Kings 6. These words ring out true to the men and women of God that are faithful and not fearful. Verses 15-17 read as follows: "And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do? And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. And Elisha prayed, and said, LORD, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the LORD opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha."

The enemy always tries to look and be bigger than he really is. Those sneak attackers always try to instill fear within us to make us afraid, doubt, be troubled, and vexed in our spirit. But hold on to the promise of God given to the believer that is faithful and not fearful. That promise is that He would never leave nor forsake us. Don't let fear separate you from your faith just because somebody tries to be a stumbling block in your way. Press on, praise God, and don't give in to fear. God is on your side and He will rescue you if your need a way out or through. (Continued tomorrow)

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 7-Sneak Attack (continued)

So when you are blindsided by a sneak attack what do you do?

The first reaction is to retaliate. You want to get even and strike back at the individual or individuals involved in making your life miserable. The worst thing in the world is to try and explain your side of the story to people who are in limbo because of the sneak attack. To be honest with you, a pastor probably looses more people over stupid stuff that doesn't really make a lot of sense than over major sins committed by people in the congregation. At least that has been my experience and that of my father and brother. So naturally when you are blindsided by a sneak attack you want to make a stand and sometimes even get revenge.

But remember, that's something we can't do if we really love Jesus. So here's how to deal with that retaliatory spirit:
(1) Find a place and pray. Yes, that seems like a coy answer, but God can and will fight your battles for you if you let Him. Read 2 Chronicles 20. The same God that moved then will still move today on your behalf, but you have to ask Him for His help and direction.

(2) Find someone you have confidence in and share the whole story with them. Not gossip, not hearsay, but speak the truth. Ask them to pray with you or even to go to the person with you that perpetuated the attack. The Bible communicates to us that we as brethren should be able to agree to disagree in more than one passage.

(3) Know you can't stop everything. Let's face it-in our day people are going to believe what they want to believe no matter what. You will go crazy chasing down everything that you hear people have said or done to try and hurt you. Understand that if they criticized Jesus, they will criticize you. Understand also that if Jesus could overcome it so can you by His grace and mercy.

One of my funniest experiences happened with a lady whose grandson played in our church band. He had a tendency to try and overshadow everyone else with his playing and it was causing a problem. I met with him and got things straightened out, but that didn't go over to well with grandma. She jumped in on it as fast as she got the news. We had a meeting and she raked me over the coals for telling her grandson not to play so loud and to follow the music. It was not very pleasant to say the least, but like a good pastor I let her speak her peace.

Of course things started being said that weren't true and I found out she was behind all of that. I gave her a benefit of a doubt because of her age and health because I knew how my grandmother was about it. However, she called me up one day and started to complain again on the phone about me dealing with her grandson. She got more and more agitated on the phone with me becasue she was hard of hearing and couldn't understand half of what I was saying. So her husband got on their extension phone and tried to calm her down. As he was speaking to her and telling her to quit complaining she thought that it was me talking to her with that tone. He was trying to calm her down and she went to carrying on even harder thinking I was the one that was telling her to be quiet and to calm down. It wasn't until he walked in the room of their house with the extension in his hand that she stopped talking, apologized, and hung up. I got mad when she called me and kept wanting to rehash a dead issue, but by the time we hung up the phone I was laughing because she had made a fool out of herself by arguing with her husband on the phone. Pardon my grammar, but she got sneak attacked by her own husband!

After that conversation, I never had to worry about another sneak attack from her direction.
(Continued tomorrow)

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 7-Sneak Attack

1 Peter 3:15-17 "But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear: Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ. For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing."

What the Japanese did at Pearl Harbor and the terrorists did to the twin towers set the tone for what is happening today for many pastors in many churches. It was that sneak attack on December 7, 1941 that created a day we will never forget in our history. Many of us were watching live after the first tower was struck and on fire when we saw the second plane hit the second tower. Those sneak attacks have forever altered our history and the course of our nation.

While not as dramatic an event internationally or nationally, a sneak attack on a pastor can be as damaging and deadly on a personal scale. Growing up in a pastor's home and being a pastor myself I have seen this bad attitude arise so many times that I can't even begin to count them.

A sneak attack comes from somewhere you don't expect. It usually involves someone you have confidence in, but most especially love and have made sacrifice after sacrifice for. These attacks often occur when you think you are on the mountaintop, but most assuredly they will come when you are discouraged already. These attitudes can and often will be the final straw in the decision making process of a man of God going forward or just giving up.

In one church I served I helped some folks that I still love today. I treated them like family, had confidence in them, and was always there when they needed me. Yet, when I needed them the most they just vanished as into thin air and the next thing I hear is that I did something to hurt them and that's why they had left the church. First off, I didn't do what I was accused of and secondly, I was so stunned because of the pastor/member relationship that we had. I could not believe that they would do this to me because they loved me too much. But guess what? They did and I still have to deal with the hurt that I felt then sometimes even today.

That's why the words of Peter mean more to me today than they ever have. When he wrote, "But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear," he was writing to me.

The Message says it plainly, "Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy."

The hardest thing to do is explain to others what happened when a sneak attack has come against you. I have learned through the years that when you have to try to explain why something happened people still have questions in their minds. Yet I have come to understand what Peter means in this passage.

-First, no matter what comes my way, Christ must be the center of my focus in my heart. If I have failed or done wrong, He will reveal it to me. If I have been unfaithful or unfruitful, He will let me know. In whatever situation I face my relationship with Jesus must be first and foremost. I must give attention to that.

-Secondly I must be on guard to verbally give an answer for any circumstances that may come my way with courtesy, not with anger or malice. This is not to justify what somebody said about me, or falsely accused me of, but to speak without blame or negativity to explain why certain things took place that I cannot fully understand and still maintain my integrity.

I had one sneak attack in particular that was not against me but a member of my staff. However, because I was not allowed to deal with it as I felt I should have I was maligned, attacked, and falsely accused in a way that I had never been before. There was no reasoning with the individuals involved. No matter what I would have done in the situation I'm convinced  they would have continued in the process to get what they wanted by unsavory means. The sad part about it is that dozens of people were affected and many left the faith because of this event.

Could I have handled it differently? Looking back on it, maybe so. But I'm still convinced not matter what I did it would not have mattered. The sneak attack would have still come and I would have had to still deal with the fallout. (Continued tomorrow)

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 6-The Gossiper

The best way to survive a gossiper is not to fight fire with fire, but let them get burnt with their own fire.

(1) When you hear gossip, call it out as gossip.                                                     
Psalm 34:13 "Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies."

Don't call it something else. Reveal and expose it for the exaggeration  that it is. Don't try to whitewash it. If you consciously or verbally refuse to recognize or accept it, you are less likely to pass it on. Speaking out loud to the gossiper in front of others and telling them you refuse to participate in this evil, will discourage them from trying to recruit you into their evil conversation. Mark them down for what they are and don't compromise. You do not owe it to them to stay in their good graces. They'll likely turn their attacks toward you for refusing to participate in their folly. That's when you'll see the true sign of who their spiritual master is.

(2) When a person tells you something about someone else ask yourself: 'Is this hearsay or fact?'

Psalm 39:1 "I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence."

Remember also how little things can be grossly exaggerated. Do not pass along hearsay as 'facts' or as the truth. Check all of the facts and hear both sides of the story before you believe it. When you let the enemy use your tongue to spread hearsay about the weakness of others, you are weakening the Kingdom and doing damage to the reputation of a brother or sister with whom you plan to spend eternity.

(3) We have the responsibility to warn and correct the gossiper.                              

Leviticus 19:16 "Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the Lord."

Their souls and eternal destiny are at stake.  Ask the gossiper these pointed questions: 'Where did you get your information?' 'How do you know it is true?' If you know the person is spreading gossip, you are under an obligation to make him aware that Satan is using him. Say this: 'Instead of talking about this person, let's bow our heads and pray for him'.

We were going into a major remodeling project and trying to raise funds through donations and other means. A new member of the church called me and asked if we could have a singing and ask for a donation of a specific amount at the door. I told him I didn't have a problem with, but it would be hard to get a big name gospel group to come in for nothing. Well, he said that he would handle all of that so that the money raised would go toward our building project. So I released him to find out what he could and let me know.

He called me back just a few hours later and said he had a fairly decent group that could come 5 days from then and do a concert. He also said that all we would have to give them was $500.00 and a portion of the offering. I told him first of all that the timetable was too short for us to advertise and that I thought he had told me he was going to take care of the groups expense. "No pastor, you must have misunderstood me," was his reply. I can assure that was not the case. His story just changed.

I told him we wouldn't be able to do that because with paying them that amount of money plus a portion of the offering we wouldn't raise anything. He said he understood and the conversation was over. A few days later one of my elders calls me and tells me he needs to talk with me. This same gentleman and another had called my elder and told them that I didn't want to have the group because I didn't like them and they couldn't understand why I didn't want to raise the money. They insinuated that I had insulted this brother and hurt his feelings.

God gave me grace and I was able to stop it and even confronted the brother who had gossiped and LIED and he confessed that he did. Of course he left the church instead of apologizing to the body for the discord he had sown with his gossip. Yes, we lost some tithe money and a few in attendance, but God proved my integrity before the people. It was something that should have never happened, but it did because somebody took something out of context and tried to ruin me with it.

This stuff shouldn't happen in church, but it does. That's why we need the grace of God with and in us. Stand against gossip, don't give into it, and believe that God will shut the mouths of those who constantly seek to cause difficulty.

4 more things in closing:

-Keep your nose out of other people’s business.

-If you can’t say something good or encouraging about others, then just keep your mouth shut-Ephesians 4:29

-Never criticize another person, except to their own face with an intent to help. Criticism can never be “constructive” if expressed to anyone else.

-If you have been a gossiper, confess this as sin and ask Christ to forgive you. “Repent” by turning in a new direction and surrendering your tongue to Christ, not to gossip or bad-mouth again-1 John 1:9, 1 Corinthians 7:10

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 6-The Gossiper

Ava, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Charlie, a new member of the church, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old Harley parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Charlie and several others that every one seeing it there would "know what he was doing !"

Charlie, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and didn't explain, defend, or deny anything. He said absolutely nothing and just turned and walked away.  

However, later that evening, Charlie quietly parked his Harley in front of Ava's house, walked home, and left it there all night.

Let that one sink in will you!

Every church has a gossip. Maybe one or two, sometimes even more. What does the Bible say about gossip and those who partake?

Exodus 20:16 "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor."

Leviticus 19:16 "Do not go about spreading slander among your people."

Psalm 34:13 "Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies."

Psalm 101:5 "Whoever slanders his neighbor in secret, him will I put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, him will I not endure."

Proverbs 11:9 "With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape."

Proverbs 11:13 "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."

Proverbs 17:9 "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends."

Proverbs 18:8 "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts."

Proverbs 20:19 "A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much."

Proverbs 26:20, 21 "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife."

Matthew 12:36 "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken."

Ephesians 4:25 "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body."

Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Ephesians 4:31 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."

1 Peter 3:10;16 "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech...keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander."

James 3:5, 6 "The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."

James 4:11 "Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it."

My dad received a call one time from a member of his church who was known for stretching the truth. She called and told him she didn't want to be a gossip (that's what they all say) but that one of the men of the church had died and his wife was upset that my dad hadn't called to find out what was going on. It puzzled my dad because he had just talked with a family member a few hours before and nothing was said about her dad dying. I still laugh when I think about my dad telling the story. He would say, "I quickly dialed the man's phone number, and the dead man answered the phone!" Well, he hadn't died, but Sister Gossip had spread it all through the church. If it had been my brother or I we would have probably have had the man lay in a coffin and rise up out of it during his "memorial" service. Man, that would had set the tongues wagging in the town.

Did she learn her lesson. Absolutely not, she tried to blame somebody else for what had taken place.

The wise man in the scriptures above made these statements about those that gossip:

-They destroy their neighbor.

-They are not accepted by God.

-They cause division.

-They create confusion.

-They speak lies.

I believe the worst attitude to deal with is that of the gossiper. They know they are doing wrong but seek to justify it and do not change their behavior.

So how do you survive a gossiper? (continued tomorrow)

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 5-The Root Of Bitterness

I cannot leave the It's Mine And You Can't Have It Attitude alone just yet because it that spirit of jealousy that causes the root of bitterness to grow. I have known wonderful, godly people who have allowed jealousy and envy to make them some of the most bitter folks in the world. And believe me when people get bitter at a pastor, a lay leader, a family member, or something that has happen to them you will know it.

James 3:16 says, "For where envying (jealousy) and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work."

Bitterness is a root, thereby making it harder to identify and expose than many surface issues, but none the less it's a deadly poison that needs to be released. It is a means for defilement and countless sickness and diseases are a result of bitterness.

I have to completely honest here. I have had to deal with bitterness in my own heart on several occasions. I try to be a spiritual man and live what I preach, but I am a human being. I have been attacked verbally, lied about, accused falsely, and sometimes even misunderstood to the point that bitterness does try to put its roots into my life. Even recently I have had to deal with some feelings of bitterness that I have never dealt with before and put them under the blood.

The sad part about the roots of bitterness is that you can usually justify them. You feel used, misunderstood, attacked, criticized, and just plain abandoned sometimes. You spend hour after hour helping people only to have them let you down or turn against you over something stupid and it makes you bitter. Down deep you know that you did everything possible to help them, but they still turn on you like a pack of wild dogs. It's enough to make even the strongest believer lose faith.

That's where James 3:17 comes into play. James said, "But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy." The Message Bible says it like this, "Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced."

This verse gives us the keys to overcoming bitterness. Can I use the Message Bible to make it very plain and practical?

(1) I need God's Wisdom. God can give me the knowledge that there is bitterness somewhere within me trying to take root and give me the strength and power to overcome it.

(2) God's wisdom is unveiled through holy living. I can't know God's will or plan for anything unless I live holy before Him. God has a plan to keep bitterness from taking root in my life and if I let Him show me He will help me know how to deal with it.

(3) I've got to do my best to get along with others. God will judge me on how I treat others not necessarily on how they treat me. I have to answer to God for myself. If I do right, God will justify me and whatever I need to be justified. I cannot afford to let roots of bitterness come between me and what God wants to do in my life.

(4) I have to be a Christian in all areas of my life. A Christian is gentle, reasonable, and overflowing with mercy and blessings. Too many people are Christians in name only and not in lifestyle. To keep bitterness away from me I must allow the Holy Spirit to be in authority in my life. I must surrender everything to Him and be what I should be to keep the roots of bitterness at bay.

(5) Lastly, I must have a standard and stick to it. To many people change with the wind. They follow after every whim of doctrine until they can find something to justify their behavior good or bad. All God wants is for us to be true to Him and true to His Word. All the world is looking for is someone who is not wishy-washy but upholds the truth and what they believe.

Read this passage: Hebrews 12:15, "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled."

If there is a root of bitterness, it needs to be cut off at the root and removed from one's soul. We need to make a choice to release all hurt and bottled up feelings inside our systems, and repent for holding that poison in our hearts. Turn from those feelings and forsake them, and allow the Lord's love to minister to your soul!

Dealing With Bad Attitudes-Chapter 4 (cont)-It's Mine And You Can't Have It

Jealousy is cruel as the grave in so many situations especially:

-When it involves family disagreements or childhood bitterness that was never dealt with or let go.

-When it involves positions in churches of leadership, presentation, or participation.

-When it involves personal demons that continually haunt and attack you over injustices done to you in the past.

Sibling rivalry can end in a very horrible fashion. I conducted a funeral one time and the Funeral Director came to me and said, "Pastor, we may have a problem." He went on to tell me about the arguments and disagreements that had already taken place when trying to plan the service between the brother and sister involved. In fact it almost came to blows in his office. I simply talked with parties involved and told them that any outburst during the service would not be tolerated and went so far as to tell them that the police escort would be on standby to intervene if there was. There were some evil looks and a few insults, but thankfully no one came to blows.

While that service was at the funeral home I had one that I conducted at the church where I was warned that a certain member of the family might try to take over the service because of hatred they had toward the deceased. I prayed that God would stop any such nonsense and had the Funeral Director and his staff on standby to stop anything that got out of order. Well, she tried a couple of times to disrupt, but God stopped her each time. Finally, she got up and left during the middle of the service.

Think about this-what good does it do to have a It's Mine And You Can't Have It attitude when somebody dies? Are you going to follow them to heaven or hell and continue to stew over your situation with them? Or will you let it go and just put it under the blood? You, and you alone have to make that choice.

Dealing With Bad Attitudes-Chapter 4-It's Mine And You Can't Have It

Song of Solomon 8:6 "Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame."

Jealousy is a secondary emotion that often refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of shows emotions such as anger, sadness, resentment and disgust toward other people or their relationships with people.

I believe that jealousy represents one of the worst bad attitudes that we in the ministry have to deal within the church. It can be over something as simple as a seat in the church or over something tragic like a family heirloom fought over by siblings that don't like each other.

When people get jealous they do crazy things. One of the things is that they push their personal agendas first and foremost seeking recognition and notoriety. If they don't receive it then they usually release as much venom as they can to get their way or to seek vengeance on the one that's stopping them.

I call it the "It's Mine And You Can't Have It" mentality. They must always be first, they must always get in the last word, and they must always have the recognition whether they deserve it or not. It is this bad attitude that drives a pastor crazy. Poll any group of pastors and this will be one attitude that comes  out at the top of the list. And it's all driven by jealousy.

I've had people get in fights at funerals over simple things as a belt buckle. I've seen some hurt other people because they sat in their seat on a pew. I've seen people who have had no talent whatsoever want to do something just to be recognized or to hear their name called out from the pulpit just so they can lord it over someone else.

No wonder we pastors many times are on the verge of keeping our sanity. It's enough to drive a sane man crazy at times. (Continued tomorrow)

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 3-Staying Sweet In A Bitter World (Part 2)

Here's what the Bible tells us about bitterness:

Hebrews 12:15 says, "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled..."

Isaiah 5:10 "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!"

Ephesians 4:31 "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice..."

Bitterness can easily overtake you if you don't put up a strong defense against it. So what can you do to stay sweet when you are attacked by someone with a bad attitude?

(1) Maintain your integrity. Don't stoop to their level. Yes, you may have to defend yourself and yes, you may feel like a sinking ship, but maintain the course of integrity. God will vindicate you if not in this life in the world to come. Being falsely accused or verbally attack does hurt as much as sticks and stones, but getting in a shouting match doesn't help either. Think about all that Jesus endured and yet kept his integrity. Try to do the same.

(2) Don't play dead. What do I mean by that statement? Don't allow yourself to become somebody's doormat. Turning the other cheek doesn't mean that you don't deserve respect or that you have to take junk. When Christ saved you He made you a King's Kid. You are a joint heir with Him and a part of His family. If somebody continues a tirade against you ask God to help to stop it with physical violence. Ask God to reveal the truth. Speak the name of Jesus and believe that He will lock the jaws of the lion (the devil) and put an end to the attack.

(3) Walk away. People with bad attitudes want to argue, fuss, and fight. You give them an inch and they will take 10 miles. The best thing you can do is just walk away. Don't give them an audience if all they want to do is fuss or complain. Some will take that as an incentive to increase their attacks, but others will see through them and you will be vindicated. Just walk away and let them make a fool out of themselves. Don't get infected by their attitude.

Have I been a victim to bitterness? Yes, I have. It's not an easy place to get out of once you go there. My saving grace was a loving God who came to me before I was consumed with it and set me free. If you let Him He can do the same for you.

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 3-Staying Sweet In A Bitter World

Before we go any farther down this journey of surviving bad attitudes I need to clarify some things:
(1) I am not perfect. There have been some situations where I let bad attitudes toward me affect my attitude in general. I wish I could say that had never happened, but I would be lying if I did. Even today I try to avoid confrontations with people that have bad attitudes because I know the end result is usually not pleasant.

(2) I have not always made the right or even the best decisions. Again my imperfections show me that sometimes I could have dealt with situations just a little differently and maybe the outcome would have been better. However, most of the decisions I have made in dealing with people's bad attitudes have almost always ended with someone getting hurt, and that's usually been me.

(3) I don't have the right answers for every situation. Many times people use the church setting as a place to express their frustrations with life in general more than about what's right or wrong. When you're a pastor you are the one that usually takes the blunt of the attack good and/or bad. Again I say that it's no fun dealing with frustrated people, especially those that always show a bad attitude.

This is what we deal with on a daily basis. Somebody gets mad at something that was said by another person so we hear about it. Somebody (usually under conviction) doesn't like what you say from the pulpit and turns it into a weapon against you. Somebody (who in most cases wasn't in church) is told something was said from the pulpit and then develops a bad attitude over. Let's face it, some day's you just can't win!

That's why it's hard to stay sweet in a bitter world. People are frustrated at their lack of income and job security. They are frustrated at their fairy tale lives not coming to pass as they dreamed. They are frustrated with their relationships, children, job, and life in general. Because of these things they are looking for someone to attack and the pastor just happens to be the logical source.

Why the pastor? Well, he's supposed to be the guy that doesn't retaliate. He's the guy that we pay to dump on. He's the reason for my frustration. He's the man that's supposed to do something about this mess I've gotten myself into and doesn't seem to care. No matter what he does it's his fault I'm in the mess that I'm in. Does any of this sound familiar?

I could go on and on, but the bottom line is the title of this chapter. How do I stay sweet in a bitter world? I could give you a bunch of patented answers, but I want to step out of the box just a little because I have found that patented answers don't always work. So here goes:

(1) You have to learn that being a Christian or a pastor doesn't mean that you roll over and play dead.
Too many people expect us to just take garbage over and over because if we don't they will take their tithe money and leave. Or they will try to ruin us in the community or within the church if we don't let their bad attitudes rule us. I don't believe God intended for us to be that way. I believe that God wants us to do everything that we possibly can to make things right, but if we can't we still have to take a stand according to Ephesians 6.

Case in point: I had a member who had caused trouble for previous pastors and been dealt with by the church. After assuming the pastorate of the church, he came back into the fold after an extended absence of several years. He came to the altar, repented, and was well liked among the congregation. I really thought that he had changed and so did others.

He came in to my office and talked with me one day, telling me about his bad attitude in the past. He simply told me that if I ever felt he was hurting me or the church to tell him and he would move on without causing the problems like he had done before. He admitted to me that he had a problem with his attitude sometimes and often needed adjustment.

A few months went by and things were going good and then the bad attitude started flaring up. At first it was over simple things, then it begin to escalate to larger things. I called him into the office the first time and he apologized and did good for a little while longer. The second time he was more in a huff, but his own lies caught up with him and put him in a very vulnerable position so he had to accept discipline. The last time I just had to take a stand and instead of repenting or apologizing he just dropped out of church completely.

The sad part was I had learned to love him as a brother in Christ. We were great friends, yet I could not allow his bad attitude to affect my congregation any longer. It hurt me to have to take a stand, but I did so because to do anything less would have been a compromise to God's Word and to my integrity.

Did it cost me? Yes, both financially and emotionally, because I had to deal with the aftermath of his dismissal. It's in those times you have to learn to stay sweet and not grow bitter. Believe me again when I say that's easier said than done.
(Chapter 3 continued tomorrow)

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 2-It's All About Me!

When you have been pastoring as long as I have things do affect you in more ways than one. I don't like to use the word fearful, so how about gun-shy. There's always one person in every crowd that you just don't want to be around because they are constantly critical or are looking for something to find fault with or about. You just get weary being around these people because they can see nothing good in anybody or anything. So you get gun-shy in their presence-you just want to walk the other way and avoid them.

I've ministered to many people with this kind of attitude problem, but one in particular stands out in my mind. She appeared to be so humble and spiritual and could talk the religious talk, but her actions were only focused on what she wanted or what she thought. If it wasn't something that was going to benefit her, then she was against it.

We had a precious widow lady in our church who through a sickness was in need of some special care. She had been an officer of our church for many years and was loved and respected by all for her dedicated service to the congregation. My wife thought it would be appropriate to assist her through our Women's Ministry with meals during her time of recovery. Everyone thought it was a good idea and pledged their support-everyone except It's All About Me. While I was out visiting she called my wife and raked her over the coals for even suggesting that the WM's do something like that. She complained we were going to set a double-standard if we did it for this widow and need and not for every sick person in the church. On and on she rambled and when I came in the pasrsonage my wife was in tears trying to get off the phone with her.

Finally she hung up and my wife tearfully told the raking out that she had received just for wanting to do something good for someone in need. I immediately got back in the car and drove to this ladies home. When she greeted me at the door she immediately jumped on me with the same stuff she did my wife. I listened for about 5 minutes and I finally said, "That's enough!" I quoted scripture to her, sharing what the Word of God said about caring for the other and stressing that each situation is unique and that when there is a need the church family is supposed to try and help. But no matter what I said, she refused to accept it. Basically she told me that when she was sick nobody did anything special for her from the church and she thought that it wasn't fair. My reply was truthful and forthright: "I wasn't your pastor then. I cannot answer for the man that was there before me. All that I can do is be responsible for the decisions that I make."

I knew I had made an enemy from that point forward. That was not my intention, nor desire, but because of her bad attitude and her experience she didn't want anyone else to be helped. I continued to pastor her and minister to her even though I knew secretly she was trying to do things to attack me behind the scenes. Yet because of her attitude and her thinking she had very little if any influence on people she was around.

Here's the thing we need to keep in mind when dealing with people like It's All About Me:
-Love them as a brother or a sister in Christ, but do not give them audience or allow them to influence you. The best thing that you can do is to just inform they are entitled to their opinion and that you love them, but that you don't have time to listen to their complaints, criticisms, and gripes.
If more people would do that those kind of people would either get right with God or just plain be quiet.

-Understand what the scriptures have to say about compassion and caring for your neighbor.            John writes in 1 John 3:16-18 "Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him? My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."

It's one thing to say I'm a Christian, but it's another thing to prove. Being a Christian is not like being It's All About Me, but being like Christ.

-Remember who You are representing as a part of the church. Acts 2 tells us several times that the early church took care of one another and made sure that where practical and possible no partiality was showed. Everyone had all things common or basically understood where they stood with each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.

-Accept that there are some situations that present unique challenges. The little widow lady we were ministering to had a very small family and they were all either employed or sickly. They could not always provide the care that she needed during her recovery, nor could they afford to pay someone for 24 hour a day care. All we wanted to do was assist them in making sure she had a hot meal when they were unable to provide it.

Christians should always realize that just because one need has a unique circumstance and requires a little more effort doesn't mean it's special treatment. It just means you have to do a little more to get the same result, which is ministering to your family in Christ as Jesus would have done.

So to all the It's About Me's out there reading this understand-It's not about you, but it's about Him and what He told us to do. The quicker you can accept that, the better off you, your pastor, and the church will be.

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Chapter 1-Avoid Stinking Thinking

What is stinking thinking?

It's a thought process that puts me and mine above everyone else. It's a my way or the highway mentality. It's a case of doing anything and everything to get what you want regardless of what you have to do to get it. In other words, it's an attitude that stinks. To put it mildly stinking thinking just doesn't work in the long run. Somewhere and somehow it will eventually catch up to you.

I pastored a gentlemen (and I'm putting that in Christian terms) that had the worst attitude I've ever, ever seen. It was his way or else. He always wanted attention and knew how to get it. He could turn on tears like a water fall or be as critical as a sharp knife. No matter what I did I could not please him as a pastor. Later, I find out he was this way with other ministers before me. His critical spirit was of the contaminating variety. It affected anybody that was around him in just a short period of time.

Most people tried to ignore him, but a person with a bad attitude is hard to ignore after awhile. I tried my best to make peace with him in every way possible. I did everything within my power to keep others from going after him when he was critical of what we did in service, either in worship or song. He always told everyone he loved my preaching, but he hated praise and worship and made it known to everyone.

Finally after trying for more times than I know how to make things right with him it came to a head. In my last confrontation with him he told me that I was going to have to change the worship or he was going to leave. Alas, we soon parted company.

I failed to mention something very important. His companion was one of the sweetest ladies you would ever pastor. Every pastor should have a member like her once in awhile in their ministry. How she stayed sweet living with that man's bad attitude could only be through the mercies of God. He was not very good to her, and when a deadly sickness begin to slowly but surely take her life, it became more and more evident.

During her last few weeks with us before her home going, I had left the hospital and come back to town to go to the Post Office. While traveling down the road I happened to see this man I'm writing about with a lady in another vehicle besides his own. A few days later, while his wife was in the hospital, I was out visiting again and happened to see that same vehicle parked in his yard. I found out that he eventually married this lady a few years after leaving my church and his wife's death. I do not want to judge, but apparently something was going on even while his wife was dying in the hospital.

I always tried to be nice to him, but I have to admit even after he left the church, I had to keep my cool when I would see him because of smart remarks he would say to me or about me in front of others. I confess sometimes I wanted to deck him, but then I would have been just like him and I refused to do that.

His stinking thinking though finally caught up with him. From what I understand he died a horrible death after suffering for a very long period of time. The only legacy he left behind with most people was about how ugly or bad his attitude was to others. Mention his name to people today that knew him and the first thing they do is roll their eyes and remark, "He had the worst attitude of anybody I knew."

Jesus said to us in Luke 6:45 "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh."
Stinking thinking means there is garbage in your attitude. You cannot change the way you think or act unless you change the treasure chest in your heart. Again Jesus said in Matthew 7:12, "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets."

Christ can help you break the hold of stinking thinking if you will just ask and let Him do so.

Surviving Bad Attitudes-Part 1

The article in yesterday's newspaper about the decline in salvations, baptisms, attendance, and financial support within the Southern Baptist denomination is just a reminder of how many people are looking at the church as an outdated institution. The article went on to say that there must be an attitude adjustment internally and spiritually if the current trends are going to be broken within their denomination.

Literally, because of all of the worldly pressures put upon the church as a whole to survive in these troubled time some bad attitudes have developed within the church. Almost every church, independent or denominational, during this recession period of the past 3 years has gone through some kind of crisis that has created this spirit of negativism that is infecting us with bad attitudes.

When a church has a group within it that develops a bad attitude it can cause great pain. To them the church has become their personal institution where they must have their way or nobody will be happy. And to be honest with you that is what is killing so many good churches today.

We enjoyed 13 years of ministry in Union, but our last two there were the hardest. During that time I had to deal with situations both spiritually and financially within the church that literally broke my heart. During our time there we remodeled the church, built a family life center, remodeled the day care, and left the church with less debt than it had when we went there. Becky and I had worked so hard during that time period to rebuild the church image in the community during our pastorate there. 

Yet after leaving Union because we felt God was through with us there we had some disgruntled folk that literally tried to destroy our reputation in the community and within the church with lies and false tales. Even before we left their influence over leadership caused them to not acknowledge our 13 years of work in their midst. We had buried their loved ones, dedicated their babies and watched many of them grow up, spent thousands of hours at the hospital, worked countless days on structures and properties, and did hundreds of others things. Because of a few bad attitudes and threats to leadership we didn't even get a plaque thanking us for our service to the church. I don't think Becky will ever fully recover from some of the stuff that was said about her outreach ministries that were nothing but lies after we had moved.

Needless to say, we were hurt by a church that we loved and gave everything to. Were we perfect and did we do everything right? No, but we did the best we could. But even giving our best effort wasn't good enough to please everybody within the church. And just a few folk, who we thought were our friends and supporters, let their bad attitudes mark our entire ministry there at least in our hearts and minds.  

The church I am currently pastoring is no different. I have had to deal with more stuff in the past 15 months that I had to deal with in 13 years at Union. Sometimes I just want to say to God, "Why are you doing this to me?" I know that God called us to our current church and I believe God is going to help us turn it around, but I'm dealing with 8 years of hurt that they have gone through that has created some very bad attitudes. I have grown to love many of these people, but some never have given me a chance to love them or even get to know them because they are holding on to the things of the past that have caused them pain and hurt.

After awhile you become so bonded with a bad attitude that only God has the power to break it, but someone has to be willing to let Him do so. You may say, "Pastor, why are you writing all this? I thought this was supposed to be a blog to encourage us not discourage us!"

Well I hope to do so by reminding you of this one fact-even Jesus could not please everybody. He had to deal with bad attitudes for most if not all of His ministry. He had to handle things that nobody else wanted to handle and deal with junk that nobody else wanted to deal with. Yet He did so with integrity and confidence knowing that God would vindicate Him in the end and that His Father's will would be accomplished through Him.

Just remember this:
-The church is not perfect. For as long as any of us are in it, it will have some imperfection. We are all subject to having a bad attitude on any given day. The solution for a believer is the church is the place where these things can be dealt with.

-The church is the only place where people feel they can vent their daily or weekly frustrations at one individual such as a pastor and make themselves feel better. Rather than going to God and getting the help they need, they allow their bad attitudes to become gossip, trash, critical spirits, and destructive forces that can and do hinder the spiritual growth of the congregation.

-The church is the one place where people want their way more often than they do God's way and will many times do what they can to achieve it, even if it means hurting others. Bad attitudes create lies out of personal opinion, unsubstantiated facts, and just plain old meanness in one's spirit.

But there is a solution to surviving bad attitudes and I hope daily this week to share with you how according to God's Word. Starting tomorrow I am going to take you on a road of progress that I hope will help you learn how to survive bad attitudes. Prayerfully you will take this journey with me.

Reliving the Dream

Proverbs 29:18a "Where there is no vision, the people perish..."

Our family just got back from a trip to California where I got to live out a childhood dream of going to Disneyland. Disneyland officially opened on July 18, 1955. On Sunday, July 17, 1955, Disneyland hosted a live TV preview, among the thousands of people in attendance were Ronald Reagan, Bob Cummings and Art Linkletter, who shared cohosting duties, as well as the mayor of Anaheim. My fondest memories from childhood were the black and white days of Disney and the Mickey Mouse Club. Never missed a single program.

While in Disneyland I watched and saw a video again of it's planning stages and grand opening. I heard Walt Disney give the following dedication day speech which triggers some very fond memories. He said:
"To all who come to this happy place; welcome. Disneyland is your land. Here age relives fond memories of the past and here youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future. Disneyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams and the hard facts that have created America with the hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration to all the world."

What a thought and vision. Walt Disney's dreams have had an influence on the world even since his death in 1966. Almost 50 years later his influence is still affecting the world.

As much as the Disney story still inspires me, I regretfully feel that the institution that once "turned the world upside down" has lost it's way in 2011. The church should be a place where memories of good things are created and where the dreams and hopes of the future in heaven inspire us to do greater things than Jesus did to touch the world. Yet alas, somewhere we have lost our way.

It was never God's intention for the church just to become an institution. In fact, when it seemed it was going to become one He sent a wave of Pentecost upon people hungry for God and once again shook up the church. Whether it was in the mountains of North Carolina, the plains of Kansas, the streets of LA, or even recently in the Gulf Coast region of Florida, God has always sent the Holy Spirit when the church began to broach the form of an institution.

Let me break it down this way:
-God intended for the church to be a happy place-a place where people that where lost could find their way and receive a life-changing experience.

-God wanted the church to be the focal point of ministry here on earth to the world and it's needs, not just a place that was inclusive of a small handful that ignored the needs of the poor, lost, and hurting.

-God wanted the church to be a place of worship, joy, inspiration, dedication, and never ending faith. His plans were not just for mega-campuses and high tech ministries, but to simply be a gathering place of praise and communion with Him.

Through highs and lows the dream of Walt Disney still touches millions around the world daily. Can we truthfully say that about us in and through the church?

Acts 4:31 "And when they had prayed, the place was shaken where they were assembled together; and they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and they spake the word of God with boldness."

God, please help us to relive our dreams and see visions of what we are supposed to be and can be if we trust in You. Amen!

San Diego

Well two more days in California and then headed back to good old SC. I know they have a lot of earthquakes out here,but man the weather has been awesome. I enjoyed Disneyland and California Adventure. I got to fulfill a dream I've had since I was 4 years old. Believe me the Indiana Jones ride was worth the trip.

Well, I get to fulfill a second dream today by going to the San Diego Zoo. Looking forward to that....but the best part of it all is to be with my family. I thank the Lord everyday that He has allowed me to live and be able to enjoy my babies. Hannah will be 12 shortly, Gracie will be 8, and Hay just turned 3. I hope I get to enjoy them a whole lot longer.

All the gold in California

Well the trip so far:

-Californians are real friendly.
-The beaches are beautiful.
-It's extremely crowded.
-The trees are beautiful.
-The weather is perfect (average 68 degrees).
-Got to see the Kodak Theater, Madame T's wax museum, and the Walk of Fame.

Biggest disappointments:
-Hollywood was'nt what I expected.
-neither was Beverly Hills.
-Roy Rogers had little feet. (LOL)

You Didn't Get The Letter?

Schools out and summer is near!

I am blessed to have a wonderful wife, a great son and duaghter-in-law, and 3 healthy beautiful grands that I get to spend a whole week with. Looking forward to the time together. Until I return read this:

One day God was looking down at the earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to earth to check-it-out.

So, He called on a female angel and sent her to earth for a time. When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on earth -- 95% is bad and only 5% is good.

God thought for a moment, and said maybe I had better send down a male angel. To get both points of view. So God called a male angel and sent him to earth for a time. When the male angel returned he went to God and told him yes the earth was in decline -- 95% is bad and only 5% is good.

God said this is not good. So, God decided He would send a letter to the 5% that were good to encourage them -- a little something to help them keep going on the right path.

Do you know what that letter said?

Oh, you didn't get your letter either?!!!

You better straighten up then!