Calm Down

When we fly off the handle, there’s a good chance our tank isn’t full. We may normally be predictable, deliberate, and self-controlled, but as soon as our energy levels plummet, so does our ability to respond correctly to others.

Impulsive people tend to respond to others emotionally with little regard for the negative impact of their immediate behavior or the long-term damage to their relationships. While these suggestions will require you to exercise huge willpower, they may help you break out of old patterns. At 63 years of age, I'm still learning these things.

-Wait. Think. Give yourself two seconds to reflect on the facts and then respond.

-Moms have long mastered the “10 minute time out” for kids. Some therapists have found that the same technique works with fighting adults.

-Take a half-day. Settle down, gather your thoughts, think about how the other person is thinking, and come back ready to talk.

Finding strength to be self-controlled sounds like a lot of work. But we don’t have to do so alone. I've found that we tend to marry people who share an equal degree of self-control, and that spouses rub off on each other. When you’re down, hopefully your spouse is “up.”

I also find strength in God’s grace. Grace is that measure of good that I don’t have in myself but which God seems to grant me. I don’t appear alone. A pile of studies suggest that people who practice their faith intentionally enjoy a host of personal, social and physical benefits. For example, faith-filled people tend to experience more social relationships, think the best of others, and report more happiness, life satisfaction, and morale than people who avoid God.

Paul listed self-control as one of several “fruit” that grows from the life of a godly person. He writes, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

I think we suffer from the narrow idea that self-control is mostly about not doing this or that. What we overlook is the subtle fact that we engage self-control every time we speak and act, and these behaviors, however small, weave together our quality of life. Choosing to not snap back, or not joke harshly, and choosing rather to listen intently or show care enhance our family relationships little by little, act by act. A little self-control goes a long way, especially at home.