Matthew 18:15-17 "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican."
In a perfect world, the church would always be there to support you and make you feel secure and safe. Unfortunately that is not always the case. Many of us have had an experience that is hurtful or discouraging involving members from our fellowship. Sometimes they push us beyond our comfort zone and help us learn and grow, even though there are moments when we don't feel appreciation for how they affect our life. But what happens when a church member cuts us down and wears us out? Is it ever okay to cut those ties and just say good-bye?
The most loving church members will occasionally make us uncomfortable. They will show us our flaws and how we can improve. Although no one likes those moments where we feel bare and vulnerable, every mistake visible to the world, these moments are the ones that can help us become better people. The church member who cares will show you the tarnish, but then sit with you and help you clean and polish until you gleam again. It is an experience that although uncomfortable still feels productive and safe. This is a positive relationship.
But there can be another version of interaction that looks similar, only there is no rebuild after all the blocks are knocked down. There are people in the world that see only themselves and are not bothered by damaging those around them in their self-serving acts. We have all known people like this, and usually it is very simple to deal with. If a friend, acquaintance, or co-worker is the kind whose words sting and whose presence is uncomfortable it is a cinch to dismiss them from our daily existence. We pray for them, but there is no need to keep them close where they can hurt us over and over.
However, when those in the church time and again disrespect or disregard you even though you pour energy and love into the fellowship it makes it very difficult to survive. Being a christian doesn't put any person in a position of power to abuse or to belittle you because you are have a difference of opinion or direction. Constantly giving and never receiving back love and support to these types of people will leave anyone feeling hurt and empty. And yet we in the church continue to try and deal with these types of people hoping we an help them change to no avail.
From time to time we all make mistakes and can appear selfish. Keep in mind that you have the power to make decisions about who is in your life, and if a relationship is truly unhealthy for you it is okay to let go. Never cut ties in anger as being hurtful to those that hurt you will not make you feel any better. Folks who are abusive and disrespectful in church relationships can easily make you feel undeserved guilt. The point of severing ties after you have exhausted all types of reconciliation is to remove that source of guilt in a way that you can feel good about.
You are the only person that can decide whether you need to cut ties with someone who constantly brings you down. As painful as it may be, sometimes the best thing we can do is let them go. This means letting go of our expectations and eliminating our ability to be hurt over and over by someone we trusted or had confidence in.
Sometimes it is possible to take this power of hurt away from a person while still keeping them in our lives, sometimes not. Just keep in mind that demanding respect is not selfish as long as you give it in return. No one deserves being mistreated or to become a punching bag for someone who wants to lord over you in the name of christianity.
In a perfect world, the church would always be there to support you and make you feel secure and safe. Unfortunately that is not always the case. Many of us have had an experience that is hurtful or discouraging involving members from our fellowship. Sometimes they push us beyond our comfort zone and help us learn and grow, even though there are moments when we don't feel appreciation for how they affect our life. But what happens when a church member cuts us down and wears us out? Is it ever okay to cut those ties and just say good-bye?
The most loving church members will occasionally make us uncomfortable. They will show us our flaws and how we can improve. Although no one likes those moments where we feel bare and vulnerable, every mistake visible to the world, these moments are the ones that can help us become better people. The church member who cares will show you the tarnish, but then sit with you and help you clean and polish until you gleam again. It is an experience that although uncomfortable still feels productive and safe. This is a positive relationship.
But there can be another version of interaction that looks similar, only there is no rebuild after all the blocks are knocked down. There are people in the world that see only themselves and are not bothered by damaging those around them in their self-serving acts. We have all known people like this, and usually it is very simple to deal with. If a friend, acquaintance, or co-worker is the kind whose words sting and whose presence is uncomfortable it is a cinch to dismiss them from our daily existence. We pray for them, but there is no need to keep them close where they can hurt us over and over.
However, when those in the church time and again disrespect or disregard you even though you pour energy and love into the fellowship it makes it very difficult to survive. Being a christian doesn't put any person in a position of power to abuse or to belittle you because you are have a difference of opinion or direction. Constantly giving and never receiving back love and support to these types of people will leave anyone feeling hurt and empty. And yet we in the church continue to try and deal with these types of people hoping we an help them change to no avail.
From time to time we all make mistakes and can appear selfish. Keep in mind that you have the power to make decisions about who is in your life, and if a relationship is truly unhealthy for you it is okay to let go. Never cut ties in anger as being hurtful to those that hurt you will not make you feel any better. Folks who are abusive and disrespectful in church relationships can easily make you feel undeserved guilt. The point of severing ties after you have exhausted all types of reconciliation is to remove that source of guilt in a way that you can feel good about.
You are the only person that can decide whether you need to cut ties with someone who constantly brings you down. As painful as it may be, sometimes the best thing we can do is let them go. This means letting go of our expectations and eliminating our ability to be hurt over and over by someone we trusted or had confidence in.
Sometimes it is possible to take this power of hurt away from a person while still keeping them in our lives, sometimes not. Just keep in mind that demanding respect is not selfish as long as you give it in return. No one deserves being mistreated or to become a punching bag for someone who wants to lord over you in the name of christianity.
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