Wal-Mart VS Heaven

I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices.

1. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates.
   Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors.
   
   
2. Heaven: Eternal.
   Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours.
   
   
3. Heaven: Where old people go when they expire.
   Wal-Mart: Where old people go when they retire.
   
   
4. Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God.
   Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone.
   
   
5. Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God.
   Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers.
   
   
6. Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin.
   Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint.
   
   
7. Heaven: EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully.
   Wal-Mart: EDLP = Every day low prices.
   
   
8. Heaven: Sam Walton -- now a resident!
   Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola -- now on sale!