All About Men (Part 1)

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
   
3. If you buy your husband a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of your husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.
   
4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."
   
5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
   
6. Men are very confident people. Your husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, wives, stay off the phone in case they call him.
   
7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
   
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
   
9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
   
10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
    
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
    
12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
    
13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.