When You Feel Let Down (Part 5)

When You Feel Let Down (Part 5)

-Think about whether your expectations are reasonable in this situation, and whether the person is capable of doing what you expect to make things right.

You may have to adjust your expectations and behavior accordingly considering the person or person(s) involved in causing the hurt.

Also, think about whether you are communicating your expectations clearly and kindly. If it’s a good friend or loved one, try to assume goodwill unless there is clear evidence otherwise.

When You Feel Let Down (Part 4)

When You Feel Let Down (Part 4)

-Be productive and speak up about your feelings of disappointment or betrayal. 

I believe it’s important to pick your battles and if you don't fight for yourself, then nobody else can. I know the Bible says if you have ought against your brother you should seek to make amends, but that doesn't always work in the best way possible today. If you are wrong admit it, ask forgiveness, and move on past it. Jesus said your bounds of forgiveness should be limitless, even if you're right. Yet, sometimes you have to defend your self from situations that would ruin your reputation and cause you spiritual grief. It's in those  times you have to deal with these questions:

-Is the person who has caused you grief pliable and capable of listening to your perspective on the situation?

-What do you want from the conversation-an apology, an attempt to make amends, or a promise to not over react so quickly without understanding the whole situation?

-If you speak up, can you do it mindfully, rather than with an angry reactivity that can make things worse?

Paul said it this way in Ephesians 4:26-32:

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

Don't you your hurt as a crutch to fail, but as a mountain to climb. Don't let it boil over inside of you. Speak it out, get it under the blood, and trust God to bring you through and out of the valley of darkness you are in.

When You Feel Let Down (Part 3)

When You Feel Let Down (Part 3)

-The important thing in any hurtful situation is not to give up and stew in passive resentment. 

Write down your feelings and try to give yourself compassion, rather than exacerbating the hurt by being self-critical when others behave badly toward you. in the course of one week they went from glorifying Jesus to crucifing Him. ONE WEEK! I understand personally what it means to give your life to something and then feel betrayed and hurt by the very things you have sacrifice for all your life. The main reason I continued with this blog was not to hide my feelings behind a social media platform, but to express that we all are vulnerable to pain and hurt from our peers and the people we serve. For almost 2 years I battled with resentment toward churches and people that I had served because they did me wrong. It affected my health, my retirement, and my wole personality. But for the grace of God, I don't think I would have ever recovered. This blog became my therapy so I challenge you to write what God lays on your heart. Speak to the mountain (your hurt) and cast it into the sea! 

Again, ask yourself these questions?

-Are there ways you can keep the resentmemnt from swallowing you whole?

-If your peers forsake your at the most needed time do you give into the hatred and dispair of your situation or believe something good will happen out of the bad?

-Will this trial of your faith reach a choice conclusion like Job's or will you end up in the same condition as the people that harmed you?

Resentment causes you to flounder around and ultimately leads to your failure. When you feel let down by men, reaffirm your faith in God. It may seem darker than it's ever been, but joy comes in the morning!

When You Feel Let Down (Part 2)

 When You Feel Let Down (Part 2)

-Try to disentangle the past from the present. 

The person or person(s) that have brought pain into your life probably have suffered the same disappointment of an unmet need somewhere in their life, which has been the root cause of the problem from the beginning. I know of some churches where the same people have caused the same difficulty for pastors year in and year out. Some things you can't do anything about, except refuse to get bitter from the whole experience.

It's not hard to figure out why you feel let down or betrayed when you realize this behaviour is nothing new from these individuals. However, trying to help an individual when they don't think they need help is nearly impossible. So before you let the bitterness of a bad situation spoil you think about these things:

-Is this person’s negativity toward you worth losing your salvation? 

-Are your past experiences making you more reactive to this struggle more than others that you've been through?

-Are you worried how others will react to you because of the attack of someone that has always had a problem.

People may not understand it at all, but God does provide understanding, empathy, support, and companionship when you feel you cannot rebound from the hurt of uncaring people. Yes, I know it doesn't pay the bills or heal the wounds any faster, but it does remind us that God can supply al of our needs by His riches in glory. That includes the healing of a broken heart as well. 

When You Feel Let Down (Part 1)

When You Feel Let Down (Part 1)

If you’re a pastor, some people will inevitably disappoint you or let you down at times. Whether it’s someone you depend on canceling arrangements at the last minute, a member acting weird or not showing up for an important occasion, or a peer throwing you under the bus, disappointment will always be a fact of life. Stress is at an all-time high and this has put a strain on relationships and friendships like never before. You can’t stop people or things from disappointing, failing, or letting you down, but you don’t have to let it derail you from having a successful relationship with God.

The hardest thing to do is to recover from your hurt, disappointment, and anger and move forward in your walk with God in confidence and trust. Yes, people will let you down, circumstances will also, but God never will!

-Being rejected, let down, or betrayed will trigger feelings of sadness, anxiety, and anger. 

It’s important to acknowledge these feelings, rather than trying to shove them down. Pastors are wired to form trusting, stable relationships with others, and to turn to the people they love for support in difficult times. As my wife said earlier this week, "Often times the church family is closer than real family". The early church in Acts had strong social bonds that enhanced every believer's chances of surviving spiritually because of their daily care of others in the body of Christ. My how things have changed! It has become a dog-eat-dog society and even the church is feeling the effects of the social change. Statistics show that many a pastor feels insecure, anxiety, and loneliness because so much is expected of them 24 hours a day. Whether it is true or not, many a pastor feels let down by people they have poured so much into and that hurt never really goes away.

So, when you feel let down by people you've invested so much into may I suggest these three things:

-Don't let your feelings strip you of the fact that you've done more good than you even realize. 

-Ask yourself if your feelings are appropriate to the situation, or whether they might be fed by past disappointments in others that have let you down.

-Focus on overcoming this pain through the power of the Holy Spirit. He can help you do deal with more than you realize or even expect.

It's not easy, but healing will come. It may be gradual, but it will come.