Dealing With Holiday Stress (Part 1)

Dealing With Holiday Stress (Part 1)

Truly, it’s easy to feel stressed out and annoyed by other people, but even when your feelings are justifiable, you don’t want anyone else’s presence or behavior to bring you down; and you certainly don’t want to add to the drama around you. So, what can you do when someone is being annoying, irritating, rude or just generally difficult especially in the holiday season?

Assuming you're not in any sort of real danger and you don’t need to physically protect yourself, the best choice is often a simple mindset shift.  Rather than trying to change the other person, you change your response to them.

I know that suggestion can be frustrating for some people.  Why should you have to make a change when it’s the other person who’s misbehaving? The key, though, is to understand that with a few simple mindset shifts you can find a lot more peace around just about anyone.  If you try to shift the behavior of others, you’re only going to drive yourself crazy.  

You can either try to control the difficult people around you or you can control your responses to them.

-Whenever you find yourself stressed out and irritated by how someone else is behaving, first notice that your mind starts to create a story of anger and resentment about them.  It’s about how they always behave in this irritating way, and how you are absolutely sick of them!  This story is harmful.  It immediately stresses you out, it keeps you exclusively focused on the negative qualities of the other person, and it ultimately makes you someone you probably don’t want to be. So, do you best to see this story for what it is.

-When you sense negativity coming at you, give it a small push back with a thought like, “That remark is not really about me, it’s about you or the world in general.”  Remember that all people have emotional issues they’re dealing with just like you, and it makes them rude and downright thoughtless sometimes.  They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues. In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters that you can either respond to effectively when necessary, or not respond to them at all.

-It’s okay to change the topic, talk about something positive, or steer conversations away from pity parties, drama, and self-absorbed sagas.  Be willing to disagree with difficult people and deal with the momentary consequences.  Some people really don’t recognize their own difficult tendencies or their inconsiderate behavior.

You can actually tell a person, “I feel like I’m being criticized.”  You can also be honest if their overly negative attitude is what’s driving you away: “I’m trying to focus on positive things.  What’s something good we can talk about?”  It may work and it may not, but your honesty will help ensure that any communication that continues forward is built on mutually beneficial ground.

-When someone insists on foisting their drama on you, be an example of a pure existence.  Disregard their antics and focus on compassion.  Communicate and express yourself from a place of peace, from a place of love, with the best intentions.  Use your voice for good, to inspire, to encourage, to educate, and to spread the type of behavior you want to see in others.

All of this, of course, is easier said than done.  It takes practice. I catch myself being rude to people who are rude to me. I behave badly because they behaved badly.  I've learned though that even if the situation is absolutely their fault, my behavior only escalates the situation.  So, do your best to take a deep breath and set a good example of how to cope with anger and frustration.  Be patient and compassionate with them and demonstrate a positive way of handling difficult people. Doing so always brings peace, even if it’s not instantaneous.