You know you've been going to church a long time when...

You know you’ve been going to church a long time when...

-you have a taste aversion to grape juice because you feel like you are being gluttonous with Jesus’ blood. 

-someone says Game of Thrones and you think that it must be a reference to some crazy thing your pastor used to do when the furniture on stage used to look funny.

-you have a pew or chair named after you.

-you have an assigned seat even though there are no assigned seats.

-you can finish the pastor’s joke before he does.

-you know the page numbers to your favorite hymn and or you can sing all of the songs on the screen without looking at the words

-you get really mad if someone says Revelations with an “S” because it’s called Revelation without an “S.” I don’t do this but I feel your pain. It drives me crazy when people say “Wal-Marts,” “Sonics,” “Chipotles.”

-you have keys to the building and you are not on staff.

-the amount of members buried in the church graveyard out numbers those inside of the church.

-someone says to your kids “I used to change your daddy’s/mommy’s diaper.

-you remember Flannelgraph…

-you look forward to catching up on your weekly nap during the pastors sermon.

-you say amen to things like “the weather is nice today,” or “did you pass gas?” or “I ate my weight in buttermilk biscuits.”

-it becomes simply a social event and not a light unto the world.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” Matthew 5:14-15