Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 8)

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 8)

Next, you must abandon your shame.

You have the knowledge of the Lord to repent of your shameful behavior of the past or present.  You know what to do if Satan returns to torment you with shameful thoughts.  But this next step is of vital importance:  You must abandon the sins that caused your shame.  
 

The Bible gives a graphic picture of those who repeat their sinful behavior:    

Proverbs 26:11 NKJV "As a dog returns to his own vomit, So a fool  repeats  his folly."

It is better that you never heard this message than for you to hear it and then return to shame-causing behavior.   The Bible warns in 2 Peter 2:20-22:

"For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning.  For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire."

You must abandon the sinful behaviors that caused your shame and do as Paul said:

Galatians 5:1 NKJV "Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage."
 

The Apostle Paul, David, the woman caught in adultery, and Rahab all abandoned the shame-producing behavior of their past.  The "Go and sin no more" command of Jesus is what we need to remember and stop the behavior that is bringing the shame.

Before you let shame destroy you ask yourself these three questions:

(1) Is my questionable behavior right in the sight of God?

In other words, as the Bible says in James 4:17:

"Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin."

(2) If I get caught doing this thing that has and is causing me shame who will it affect the most?

The Bible again says:

Exodus 20:5 “You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me.”

Exodus 34:6-7 “The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

The shame of a fallen minister, a disgraced father, or a mother's failure can bring pain upon a family that shame will always remember. Think before you do something that allows shame to manhandle you!

(3) Is bearing the shame of my failure going to affect my future?

It will-unless you ask forgiveness for your sin and walk circumspectly before God and man. The only way to defeat shame is to forsake what put you there in the first place and prove yourself before the Lord by living a repentant lifestyle and letting others see the change in you. Don't let shame tell you "it doesn't matter what others think" and fall back into it's trap again.

If you abandon shames hold on you and prove yourself as a transformed individual God will restore what the shame stole from you.

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 8)

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 8)

Thirdly, you must address your shame. 

After acknowledging your shame and acting against it, you must address your shame.  David did this.  He spoke positive words to counteract the lingering accusations of shame.  He said:

Psalm 32:5 "I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I have not hidden.  I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord."  And you forgave the iniquity of my sin."

Jesus bore your shame on the cross so that you do not have to bear it, but even after you repent of shame-producing voice of the accuser will continue to sound off in your soul.   You have reinforced your shame-based thoughts for years and now you must learn how to reprogram that inner voice.  

You may have been caught in the very act of adultery, as the woman in New Testament times, but you must make a decision that you will not listen to the voice of shame once you have repented of your sin.  The accuser says, "She is guilty. Stone her!"  The intercessor says, "Neither do I condemn you.  Go, and sin no more."   Ask yourself, "Is the end result of the voice I am listening to death or life?"  This question will help you distinguish between the voice of shame and that of mercy.

The Bible teaches that confession is instrumental to experiencing salvation. We gain other spiritual victories, as well, by confession:   

-Paul declared regarding his inherited shame, "There is no condemnation."
 

-David confessed his individual shame and declared, "You forgave the iniquity of my sin!"     

-The woman caught in adultery confessed regarding her imposed shame, "No man has accused me."

-Rahab broke the power of institutional shame over her life through her confession of faith symbolized by the scarlet cord in her window.

When you hear the voice of shame speak to you, address it instead of ignoring it. When the accuser says, "Shame on you,"  respond by declaring, "I do not receive that.  Jesus, who knew no sin, bore my sin and shame so that I stand righteous before God through Him."  

When you really grasp the true meaning of God's forgiveness, it will be easy to address shame. This is not self-improvement or building self-esteem to dissipate shameful emotions.  It is a divine act of God's forgiveness that totally obliterates your shame.
 

Even if you are guilty like the woman caught in adultery, don't listen to shame's voice.  Listen instead to your Savior who speaks  conviction,  never condemnation.  The scribes and Pharisees declared of the adulterous woman, "She must die," but  Jesus said in John 8:11, "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more." 

John also declared in 1 John 1:9 and 2:1, 2:

 

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

"If anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.  And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world..." 

Speak to shame just like you would address a man standing there with stones ready to kill you. Answer the accusations of shame with God’s Word. If you surrender to shame, it will have the same effect on you as it did Judas after he betrayed Christ.  Tormented by his betrayal and alone in the darkness of night, Judas died in his shame.  You do not have to die in your shame because Jesus already died on the cross bearing your shame.
 

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 7)

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 7)

Secondly, you must act against your shame. 

 

Acting against your shame means you must repent of everything that produces it.  True repentance is an inward decision that results in the outward act of turning away from sin.  David said in Psalm 38:18:

"I will declare my iniquity; I will be in anguish over my sin." 

He asked God to search his heart, know his thoughts and ways, and cleanse him from secret sins in Psalm 139:23, 24:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." 

When you act against shame by repenting of the sin that breeds it,  you take an important step in shattering the shackles of shame.

-The Apostle Paul confronted his inherited shame, came out from under condemnation, and became the greatest advocate of God's grace in New Testament times.

-David acknowledged his individual sin and repented.

-The incessant shame passed on to David’s sons was reversed and from his bloodline came our Lord Jesus Christ.

-The woman caught in adultery dealt with her imposed shame by seeking forgiveness and changing her lifestyle.  Jesus didn't deny her shame, but forgave the sin that generated it.

-Rahab acted against the institutional shame of her  harlotry when she acknowledged the God of Israel.

Continue to act against your shame by refusing to engage in shame-producing conduct.  Jesus told the woman caught in adultery to, "Go and sin no more."   1 Peter 2:16 says you should live  "as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God." 

Your shame will control your mind, body, and spirit unless you go to war against it. Take your authority over it by declaring that you are more than a conqueror in Jesus Christ. Your will to win through Christ will be greater than your shame!

 

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 6)

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 6)

God has a strategy for shattering the shackles of shame in your life and it's not psychology, self-improvement, or group therapy.  It is divine revelation based on His Word.  You will break your shackles if you follow His word regardless of the reason for your shame, the type of shame you bear, or the length of time which you have been held captive by its force.

First, you must acknowledge your shame.

You do not effectively deal with shame by denying or ignoring it.  You must boldly admit your shame.  You cannot blame your inherited sin nature for your shame.  You cannot blame another person or your rotten circumstances.  If you do this, shame will continue to characterize your life, responses, and relationships.  You must fearlessly confront shame before you can act against the negative force it exerts over your life. Shame is a signal that something is wrong.  

King David, whose shame resulted from his sin of adultery and murder, suffered personal damage while he remained in an unrepentant state. He said:

Psalm 32:3, 4 "While I kept silent, my bones grew old, Through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me.  My vitality was turned into the drought of summer."

You may think you get away with sin, but you really don't, and as long as you do not acknowledge and deal with your sin you will never be free from its associated shame. God used the Prophet Nathan to confront David with his unconfessed sin he told a moving story of a poor man's lamb that was slain by a rich man when a traveler came to visit.  The parable stirred David's anger in 2 Samuel 12:7 and he said to Nathan, "As the Lord lives, the man who has done this shall surely die!"  A poignant hush fell over the throne room as Nathan said to David, "You are the man!"  

When David heard these words he did not try to justify or deny his transgressions, but immediately acted against them.  "I have sinned against the Lord," he said.   Psalm 51:1-4 reflects his response as he prayed:

“Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your loving kindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,  Blot out my  transgressions.  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin.  For I acknowledge my transgressions, And my sin is always before me.  Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight...”

When David repented, Nathan immediately responded, "The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die." 

Jesus dealt with shame at the cross, for the Bible says in Hebrews 12:2 that He endured the cross and the hostility of sinners, "despising the shame." Isaiah declared of Jesus in Isaiah 50:6:

"I gave My back to those who struck Me, And My cheeks to those who plucked out the beard;  I did not hide My face from shame."

The cross is more powerful than your shame.  Because Jesus took your shame to the cross, you no longer must live imprisoned by inherited, individual, incessant, imposed, or institutional shame. Remember the Old Testament scapegoat which symbolically carried the sins of Israel into the wilderness?  Jesus is the "scapegoat" for your sin and shame.  Spiritually, you can watch your scapegoat being led into the wilderness and there goes your sin and your shame!  You no longer have to bear it, because when you accept Jesus as your Savior, He bore it!

Romans 10:1 NKJV "Whoever believes on Him  will not be put to shame."

God wants the shackles of shame broken in your life so you will never again be condemned in this world or the world to come, but in order for this to happen you must honestly acknowledge your shame.  If the end result of what you are doing is shameful,  then it is from Satan and he is using it to destroy you.  Acknowledge your sin and its associated shame before God and break the shackles!
 

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 5)

 Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 5)

Shame affects us all. 

-It motivates the perfectionist.

-Fuels the aggressor.

-Entombs the alienated in emotional isolation.   

People try many ways to escape shame, but shame-based thinking and responses are like a bandage covering a festering, infected sore.  The bandage has no healing power and, if the wound is not treated, gangrene will eventually spread its toxic poison throughout the entire system.  

The power of shame is manifested in five areas in our lives:
 

-The levels of shame that surround us are multilayered. The first level of shame with which you must deal with is inherited shame and how to overcome it. 

Inherited shame results from the basic sin nature which we all receive at birth due to the original transgression of man in the Garden of Eden. Satan will tell you:

-You will never feel good enough to  approach God  in prayer.  

 -You will never be able to put the past behind you  and as long as you live in the  past you will never  have a future.  

 -You will never rise up to fulfill your destiny in  God.
 -Secondly, individual shame results from sins you personally commit.  

The Bible itemizes specific shame-generators including pride (Proverbs 11:2), refusing correction (Proverbs 13:18), lack of discipline (Proverbs 19:26), hasty, uninformed decisions (Proverbs 18:13), forsaking God (Jeremiah 17:13), and iniquity (Ezekiel 43:10; Proverbs 13:5)--the latter of which is inclusive of all sinful acts.  The guilt and condemnation generated by such sins result in shame if there is no resolution through confession and repentance. Shame alienates you from God, others, and self.  Individual shame is the most difficult type of shame to deal with, for it is hard to forgive yourself for sins, mistakes, and bad decisions.
 

-Incessant shame refers to the continuous cycle of shame manifested from generation to generation.  If you do not deal with shame successfully, then you pass it on to your children and they duplicate it by passing it on to the next generation.  

Psychologists have come to realize that  shame-based parents act shamelessly and pass their shame on to their children because "there is no way to teach self-value if one does not value oneself."   

If you do not deal with your shame, you pass it on to your children and they will pass it to their children.  Shame then becomes multi-generational, meaning it is firmly entrenched within the family and passed from one generation to the next.
Shame results in a lack of intimacy in marriage because it is difficult to maintain close relationships when you feel defective and flawed.

 

-Imposed shame is inflicted upon you by others who put you down and tell you that you are stupid or not good enough.  It also results from things like abuse, incest, molestation, and rape. You are innocent, but you feel ashamed because of what others have said about or done to you. 

Unresolved inherited, individual, and incessant shame are the foundations of imposed shame which is a shame inflicted upon you by others who put you down, tell you that you are stupid, or say you are not good enough.  Imposed shame says, "You have let us down.  You are a bad person."

People imposed shame on Jesus, for the Bible says He was "despised and rejected by men" in Isaiah 53:3.

The seeds of imposed shame are planted in childhood through circumstances that reinforce feelings of worthlessness.  These experiences may include religion, identification with shame-based models of shame, shameful accusations, abandonment, and abuse.

 

-Institutional shame comes through the institutions of society.  

Institutional shame is a type of shame that is based on concepts of what is considered right and wrong, acceptable or unacceptable by others.  It results when we are rejected by the group or when our group is rejected by another or our culture at large. You may be shamed because of the color of your skin, your family background, or the city or nation in which you live. Institutional shame belittles you because of your personal background, your family, where you live, or the way you dress. 
 

God wants you to learn how to shatter these shackles in your life and the lives of those to whom you minister.  I hope to share these hopeful words over the next few days.
 

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 4)

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 4)

Shame-based reactions are implemented to avoid dealing with the root issue of shame.  We disguise and distort our shame and cloak it in new vocabulary until we often do not recognize these responses as protective devices designed to avoid self-confrontation.  This list shares some common reactions to shame:

-The term "scapegoating" comes from an Old Testament practice involving the blood sacrifice for sin.  Leviticus 16 describes how the High Priest of Israel selected and sacrificed animals for the sin offering.  At the climax of the ceremony he laid his hands on the head of a live goat, confessed all the iniquities of Israel over it, and the animal was then led away into the wilderness symbolically bearing the sins of the people.  Through this practice the word "scapegoating" entered our vocabulary as a method of avoiding shame or guilt by projecting it onto someone or something else. 

Blame is a cover up for shame and a way to pass it on to others.  You reduce your own feelings of shame by putting down and criticizing someone else. Adam blamed his sin on "the woman You gave me" in Genesis 3:12.  In blaming our God-given circumstances, environment, or relationships, we are in reality saying that the blame rests with God.  Couples blame affairs on the lack of attention of one for the other. In doing so they attempt to justify their wrongdoing through blame.

-Because shame portrays you as inferior, you may constantly attempt to prove your worth by being a perfectionist.  You must always be right, you cover up your own errors, and critically shame others who blunder.

Perfectionism goes beyond simple excellence or pride in performance.  It is a driving, controlling force and no matter how hard you try you never quite measure up to the standards you set.  Because of this predisposition to failure, perfectionism fosters additional shame and leads to judging, moralizing, and criticizing others who fall short of your arbitrary standards.

You can become so preoccupied with perfectionism that you miss the positive benefits generated by mistakes. Remember, mistakes are a form of feedback.  Every error tells you what you need to correct. You can become so preoccupied with defending yourself against the inner critical voices that you miss the opportunity to heed the warning of  the mistake.

-There is a long history of people who mutilated their bodies, committed suicide, or punished themselves in other ways to atone for their shame.  

Self-punishment is the voice of shame saying, "You don't deserve to be happy."  In its acute stage, self-punishment ends in suicide when the internal voice of shame becomes so loud that all voices of hope are drowned out and the only answer to your pain is to end it all.  Self-punishment stemming from shame actually causes neurotic illness. In fact,  when guilt has been pushed into the distorted forms of repressed memory (such as shame), it may return through the disguised as asthma, migraine headaches, peptic ulcers, and other psychosomatic illnesses.  We punish ourselves, so to speak, with physical pain.  
-Defensive people are extremely sensitive to criticism or the suggestion of personal blame. They are argumentative, and always must be right.  Shame-based people interpret criticism of what they do into a judgment of who they are.  They confuse their "do" with their "who".   

A defensive person tries to exonerate himself because if he cannot do so then he is forced to admit his own inadequacies.  Instead of confronting his shame and dealing with it, he constantly defends his actions, position, and reasoning. 

 

-Patronizing is a very subtle way of deferring your shame.  On the surface, you seem to help another person by support and encouragement, but in reality you have a condescending attitude which defers your own shame by shaming them.

-A shame-based person attempts to control other people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions to insure that no one can ever shame him again.  In many families this control results in suppression of true feelings. There is no honest feedback, emotional growth is hindered, and shame is further perpetrated.  

In its extreme form, such control results in physical and emotional abuse, for if you are an abuser then those you abuse have no power to shame you.  This may be one reason many who are abused as children later become abusive parents.

-Arrogance also is a psychological cover-up for shame. The arrogant, self-righteous person hides his true self from others and in so doing, hides from himself. 

The Old Testament story of Abner and Saul's son, Ishbosheth, illustrates this arrogant, self-righteous, self-justifying, shame-based response.  Abner initially took King Saul's side in the conflict with David, and after his death supported his son Ishbosheth. 

As circumstances deteriorated in the conflict with David, Ishbosheth, confronted Abner regarding his conduct with one of his concubines.  The scripture does not say whether Abner was guilty or not, but by his response against Ishbosheth  Abner was trying to justify his own sinful conduct.  He had joined Ishbosheth in rebellion against David, who he knew to be God's choice for king.

The Pharisees and Sadducees of New Testament times exemplified similar self-righteousness. They gave, prayed, and fasted to be seen of men and demanded that others abide by their oppressive standards.  "I thank you that I am not as this poor sinner," said one proud Pharisee who witnessed a poor sinner's prayer.  His arrogance cloaked his own guilt and shame in a disguise of religious self-righteousness.

-Shame is the core and fuel for all addictive behavior. The content of the addiction, whether it be an ingestive or activity, is an attempt at an intimate relationship. Each addictive acting out creates life-damaging consequences which create more shame. The new shame fuels the cycle of addiction.

-A shame-based person does not value himself and he lacks respect for others.  This leads to contempt, anger, retaliation, and rage.  If a person with internalized aggression also acquires power, then it results in violence and criminal behavior.

-A shame-based person sometimes will alienate himself by self-imposed isolation. Such behavior may be disguised by explanations such as "I am very reserved" or  "I am a private person."  In reality, the withdrawal is an attempt to conceal shame.  In its ultimate form, such alienation results in living life as a recluse from society.

In New Testament times the Pharisees and Sadducees learned they could not keep the law of God themselves, so they became self-righteous, demanding, critical leaders.   They formulated hundreds of detailed rules which they tacked on to their religion. Their rituals emanated from the shame-base of their own failures as evidenced in the story of the woman caught in
 adultery.  They brought her to Jesus, quoting their law that prescribed she should die for her sin.  We find them quietly slinking away when Jesus said, "Let him without sin cast the first stone."

The religious rituals of the Pharisees and Sadducees were attempts to conceal their own  shame but,  as God's Word declares, there are no gifts, sacrifices, or rituals that can rid the conscience of the shame of sin.  Only the blood of Jesus can wipe away the consequences of shame.

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 3)

Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 3)

When shame establishes control in your life, it programs your internal faculties to think in terms of "shame-based thinking."  This distorted reasoning may include any or all of the following:

-Shame declares, "You can tell they don't like you. You don't fit in.  They think you aren't good enough."   This makes you paranoid constantly interpreting events as personally threatening.  It also creates expectations of ultimate betrayal by friends.

 

-Shame-based people relate everything to themselves.  When your mate says he is tired, shame says "Yeah...he is tired of you...that's the problem!" Shame causes you to constantly compare yourself to others and, when you seem to fall short, this generates more shame. 

-Shame distorts your thinking. One mistake means, "I'll never learn how to do this."  Generalization leads to declarations such as "Why can't I ever get it right?  No one cares about me."   This results in "either/or" thinking.  If you are not brilliant, then you must be stupid.  There is no middle ground. Words like "all, everyone, no one, always" signal such shame-based generalization.  Shame-based mentality views a simple misdemeanor as a capital offense.  

 

-A shame-based person constantly rationalizes their behavior.  They excuse, explain, and justify so they do not have to deal with their shame.  On the other hand, they may also do good works to try to neutralize their shame and rationalize that they aren’t such a bad person. 

-Another attempt to deal with shame is repressing or denying the incidents that produced it.  King David learned that this doesn't work too well.  He said:

Psalm 32:3, 4 “When I kept silent, my bones grew old, Through my groaning all the day long. For day and night, Your hand was heavy upon me...”  

Denial also leads to the submersion of terrible secrets.

-Shame's voice replays repeatedly in your mind like an old record stuck in a groove.  It says, "You should have done this...You ought to have done that."  Phrases like " I should have" and "if I'd only" are signals of shame's accusations.    

 Condemnation is different from the conviction of the Holy Spirit.  Conviction is specific, focusing on a particular sin and eliciting godly sorrow which leads to confession and repentance.  Condemnation is generalized.  It declares you convicted, censured, and hopeless without remedy.  Jesus declared in John 3:17, 18:

“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.  He who believes in Him is not condemned.”

-Shame declares you a victim of circumstances. You view yourself as controlled by other people, your hopeless addictions, bad luck, or fate.  You mentally surrender to this helplessness and accept a shamed existence as your destiny. 

-Some people attempt to deal with shame by letting  "their conscience be their guide," as the old saying goes.  They allow themselves to be governed by a set of internal morals, principles, and standards. This is dangerous because your conscience is influenced by society, education, your parents, and peers and these influences can all be wrong.  They may condone lying, stealing, cheating, and even killing, resulting in a conscience that is shameless. The forces of society, training, parents, and peers can also create a "shame- based" conscience by constantly reinforcing that you are a bad person.  

You cannot trust an unregenerate conscience to "be your guide" because it is nourished by environment and experience instead of the Holy Spirit.  Only through the blood of Jesus can a shameful conscience be absolved:

Hebrews 10:22 "Let us draw near with a true heart in full  assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water."