10 Lessons Learned From 45 Years of Ministry

The following are 10 lessons I’ve learned in 45 years of ministry:

1. The goal is not to win a debate but to redeem the heart.

2. One’s public witness is only as authentic as one’s private integrity.

3. There is no greater source of wisdom than the Bible and no investment that yields greater returns than prayer.

4. Hate is only validated when one responds in like spirit.

5. Jesus should never be presented as less than he claimed to be: the way, the truth and the life.

6. One should live first and foremost so as to please a heavenly audience.

7. One’s legacy is found not in things that matter least but in people who matter most.

8. The generation into which I am born is my calling and it beckons me to be fully engaged.

9. When Jesus paused while dying on the cross to make certain his mother was cared for, he showed how to prioritize family amidst ministry.

10. Sermons can inspire but it is love in action that makes the most profound impact.

As I look to the next generation of ministers I am keenly aware that they will seek to touch a world that is increasingly distracted. Absolutes will be challenged as those who oppose Biblical precepts become more organized and vocal. Their strength will be in presenting not religion but a relationship with Jesus Christ.

To the generation of ministers who have served before me that includes Wade Horton, Ray Hughes, J. Frank Culpepper, I. C. Morris. Jr.  and others less well-known but equally faithful I owe a debt of gratitude.

A Salesman And Monkeys

There was once a hat-salesman who passed by a forest on his way back a sales trip. The weather was very hot and he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side of the road. A few hours later, he was awakened by some sounds.

The next thing he realized was that all his hats were gone. Then he heard some monkeys on top of the tree and he looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys.

They have taken all his hats!

The hat-seller sits down and tries to think of how he can get the hats down. He started to think and scratched his head.

The next moment, he realized that the monkeys were doing the same thing.

Next, he took off his own hat and fanned himself. The monkeys did exactly the same! An idea struck him - he took his hat and threw it on the ground. And the monkeys did the same too. So, he managed to get all his hats back. Fifty years later, his grandson also became a hat-salesman and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.

One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. Feeling very hot, he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the ground Again, when he woke up, he realized that all his hats were gone.

He looked up and found that the monkeys had taken all his hats. Remembering what his grandfather had told him, he started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took off his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, he threw his hat on the ground... but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats!

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the ground, gave him a slap and said, "You think only you have a grandfather?!"

All About Men (Part 1)

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
   
3. If you buy your husband a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of your husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.
   
4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."
   
5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
   
6. Men are very confident people. Your husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, wives, stay off the phone in case they call him.
   
7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
   
8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
   
9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
   
10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
    
11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
    
12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
    
13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

Original Thinkers

I did a lot of experimental things when I was a Youth Pastor many years ago. One night I gave the youth the beginning of a list of famous sayings and asked them to provide original endings for each one. Here are some examples they submitted many years ago.

1. The grass is always greener when you leave the sprinkler on.
   
2. A rolling stone plays the guitar.
   
3. The grass is always greener when you remember to water it.
   
4. A bird in the hand is a real mess.
   
5. No news is no newspaper.
   
6. It's better to light one candle than to waste electricity.
   
7. It's always darkest just before I open my eyes.
   
8. You have nothing to fear but homework.
   
9. If you can't stand the heat, don't start the fireplace.
   
10. If you can't stand the heat, go swimming.
    
11. Never put off 'til tomorrow what you should have done yesterday.
    
12. A penny saved is nothing in the real world.
    
13. The squeaking wheel gets annoying.
    
14. We have nothing to fear but our principal.
    
15. To err is human. To eat a muskrat is not.
    
16. I think, therefore I get a headache.
    
17. Laugh and the world laughs with you.  Cry, and someone yells,
    "Shut up!"
    
18. Better to light a candle than to light an explosive.
    
19. It's always darkest before 9:30 p.m.
    
20. Early to bed and early to rise is first in the bathroom.
    
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a blister.
    
22. There is nothing new under the bed.
    
23. The grass is always greener when you put manure on it.
    
24. Don't count your chickens -- it takes too long.

True Welfare Statements

Sentences taken from actual letters received by the Welfare department, from applications for aid and assistance.

1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven but one died and was baptized on half sheet of paper.
   
2. I am writing to the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
   
3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
   
4. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children, can you tell me why?
   
5. I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.
   
6. This is my eighth child, what are you going to do about it?
   
7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead, the man I am living with can't eat or do anything until he finds out.
   
8. I am very annoyed that you have branded my son illiterate, as this is a lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.
   
9. In answer to your letter I have given birth to a boy weighing ten lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.
   
10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.
    
11. My husband had his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since.
    
12. Unless I get my money soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
    
13. You have changed my little boy to a little girl. Will this make any difference?
    
14. I haven't had children as yet as my husband is a bus driver and works day and night.
    
15. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
    
16. I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and this doesn't seem to do me any good. If things don't improve I will be forced to send for another doctor.
    
17. It is true I am a bachelor and have deducted for two children. But please believe me when I say it was an accident.
    
18. Please excuse the condition of my messy form. I really should have been more careful.
    
19. I am a vermin destroyer but have not earned anything for some months. I shall be glad to call on you at your convenience.
    
20. Please send me a claim form as I have had a baby. I had one before but it got dirty and I burned it.
    
21. I cannot pay the full amount at the moment as my husband is in hospital. As soon as I can I will send on the remains.
    
22. Please correct this assessment. I have not worked for the past three months as I have broken my leg. Hoping you will do the same

Facts About Men (Part 2)

1.  All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
2. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
   
3. Men love gadgets and lots of it. My husband has practically everything from Sharper Image. Name it, he has it, but does he need all of them - I didn't think so.
   
4. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
   
5. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
   
6. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
   
7. All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
   
8. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
   
9. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
   
10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to your husband. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
    
11. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
    
12. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door

Last In Line

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. When they get to meet their maker, because of the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Heaven.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish is. "I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. By the time there are only ten people left, this one guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."

So, the next time you are last in line.......smile!