Pastors Know You're In Trouble When...

-You baptize seven people in the river and you lose two of them in the swift current.

-The Women's Ministry voted to send you a get-well card and the vote passed 21-20.

-The Elder's Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it and they were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

-You finally found a choir director who does things exactly the same way you do and the choir mutinies.

-Your women's softball team finally won a game, but hey beat your men's softball team.

-The Church Council finally voted to add more church parking by blacktopping the front lawn of your parsonage.

-Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks while you were on vacation.

-Your Elder's want to send you to the Holy Land, but they are waiting until the next war.

-Your biggest critic just left your church, yet he was appointed as the Head Bishop of your state.

-The youth in your church came to your house for a surprise visit in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house.

When Life Hands You A Lemon...

Most people are familiar with the traditional uses for lemons to add some citrus flavor to our foods. However the diversity of applications for lemons far exceeds general knowledge and once you read the following list, you’ll likely want to stock at least a few lemons in your kitchen 24-7. 

Freshen the Fridge-Remove refrigerator odors with ease. Dab lemon juice on a cotton ball or sponge and leave it in the fridge for several hours. Make sure to toss out any malodorous items that might be causing the bad smell. 

High Blood Pressure-Lemon contains potassium which controls high blood pressure and reduces the effect of nausea and dizziness. 

Prevent Cauliflower From Turning Brown-Cauliflower tend to turn brown with even the slightest cooking. You can make sure the white vegetables stay white by squeezing a teaspoon of fresh lemon juice on them before heating. 

Mental Health-Lemon water can also prep up your mood and relieve you from depression and stress. Long distance walkers and world travelers as well as explorers look upon the lemon as a Godsend. When fatigue begins, a lemon is sucked through a hole in the top. Quick acting medicine it is, giving almost unbelievable refreshments. 

Refresh Cutting Boards-No wonder your kitchen cutting board smells! After all, you use it to chop onions, crush garlic, and prepare fish. To get rid of the smell and help sanitize the cutting board, rub it all over with the cut side of half a lemon or wash it in undiluted juice straight from the bottle. 

Respiratory Problems-Lemon water can reduce phlegm; and can also help you breathe properly and aids a person suffering with asthma. 

Treating Arthritis and Rheumatism-Lemon is a diuretic and assists in the production of urine which helps you to reduce inflammation by flushing out toxins and bacteria while also giving you relief from arthritis and rheumatism. 

Prevents Kidney Stones/Regular consumption of the refreshing drink — or even lemon juice mixed with water — may increase the production of urinary citrate, a chemical in the urine that prevents the formation of crystals that may build up into kidney stones. 

Keep Insects Out of the Kitchen-You don’t need insecticides or ant traps to ant-proof your kitchen. Just give it the lemon treatment. First squirt some lemon juice on door thresholds and windowsills. Then squeeze lemon juice into any holes or cracks where the ants are getting in. Finally, scatter small slices of lemon peel around the outdoor entrance. The ants will get the message that they aren’t welcome. Lemons are also effective against roaches and fleas: Simply mix the juice of 4 lemons (along with the rinds) with 1/2 gallon (2 liters) water and wash your floors with it; then watch the fleas and roaches flee. They hate the smell. 

Anti-Aging-Lemon water reduces the production of free radicals which are responsible for aging skin and skin damage. Lemon water is calorie free and an antioxidant. 

Fruit and Vegetable Wash-You never know what kind of pesticides or dirt may be lurking on the skin of your favorite fruits and vegetables. Slice your lemon and squeeze out one tablespoon of lemon juice into your spray bottle. The lemon juice is a natural disinfectant and will leave your fruits and vegetables smelling nice too. 

Treat Infections-Lemon water can fight throat infections thanks to its antibacterial property. If salt water does not work for you, try lime and water for gargling. 

Deodorize Your Garbage-If your garbage is beginning to smell yucky, here’s an easy way to deodorize it: Save leftover lemon and orange peels and toss them at the base under the bag. To keep it smelling fresh, repeat once every couple of weeks. 

Keep Guacamole Green-You’ve been making guacamole all day long for the big party, and you don’t want it to turn brown on top before the guests arrive. The solution: Sprinkle a liberal amount of fresh lemon juice over it and it will stay fresh and green. The flavor of the lemon juice is a natural complement to the avocados in the guacamole. Make the fruit salad hours in advance too. Just squeeze some lemon juice onto the apple slices, and they’ll stay snowy white.  

Purges The Blood-We consume a lot of junk food or food with a lot of preservatives and artificial flavours. This builds up a lot of toxins in the blood and body but daily consumption of lemon water helps to purify the blood. 

Make Soggy Lettuce Crisp-Don’t toss that soggy lettuce into the garbage. With the help of a little lemon juice you can toss it in a salad instead. Add the juice of half a lemon to a bowl of cold water. Then put the soggy lettuce in it and refrigerate for 1 hour. Make sure to dry the leaves completely before putting them into salads or sandwiches. 

Oral Health-Lemon juice also stops bleeding gums and reduces toothaches 

Lighten Age Spots-Why buy expensive creams when you’ve got lemon juice? To lighten liver spots or freckles, try applying lemon juice directly to the area. Let it sit for 15 minutes and then rinse your skin clean. It’s a safe and effective skin-lightening agent. 

Create Blonde Highlights-For salon-worthy highlights, add 1/4 cup lemon juice to 3/4 cup water and rinse your hair with the mixture. Then, sit in the sun until your hair dries. To maximize the effect, repeat once daily for up to a week. 

Make a Room Scent/Humidifier-Freshen and moisturize the air in your home on dry winter days. Make your own room scent that also doubles as a humidifier. If you have a wood-burning stove, place an enameled cast-iron pot or bowl on top, fill with water, and add lemon (and/or orange) peels, cinnamon sticks, cloves, and apple skins. No wood-burning stove? Use your stovetop instead and just simmer the water periodically. 

Clean and Whiten Nails-Pamper your hands without a manicurist. Add the juice of 1/2 lemon to 1 cup warm water and soak your fingertips in the mixture for 5 minutes. After pushing back the cuticles, rub some lemon peel back and forth against the nail. 

Cleanse Your Face-Zap zits naturally by dabbing lemon juice on blackheads to draw them out during the day. You can also wash your face with lemon juice for a natural cleanse and exfoliation. Your skin should improve after several days of treatment. Lemon water is also a cooling agent, best way to beat the heat. 

Freshen Your Breath-Make an impromptu mouthwash by rinsing with lemon juice straight from the bottle. Swallow for longer-lasting fresh breath. The citric acid in the juice alters the pH level in your mouth, killing bacteria that causes bad breath. Rinse after a few minutes because long-term exposure to the acid in lemons can harm tooth enamel. 

Treat Flaky Dandruff-If itchy, scaly dandruff has you scratching your head, relief may be no farther away than your refrigerator. Just massage two tablespoons lemon juice into your scalp and rinse with water. Then stir one teaspoon lemon juice into one cup water and rinse your hair with it. Repeat daily until your dandruff disappears.

Get Rid of Tough Stains on Marble-You probably think of marble as stone, but it is really petrified calcium (also known as old seashells). That explains why it is so porous and easily stained and damaged. Those stains can be hard to remove. If washing won’t remove a stubborn stain, try this: Cut a lemon in half, dip the exposed flesh into some table salt, and rub it vigorously on the stain. But do this only as a last resort; acid can damage marble. Rinse well. Use These Lemons To Clean – Easy and Effective 

Remove Berry Stains-It sure was fun to pick your own berries, but now your fingers are stained with berry juice that won’t come off no matter how much you scrub with soap and water. Try washing your hands with undiluted lemon juice, then wait a few minutes and wash with warm, soapy water. Repeat until your hands are stain-free. 

Soften Dry, Scaly Elbows-Itchy elbows are bad enough, but they look terrible too. For better looking (and feeling) elbows, mix baking soda and lemon juice to make an abrasive paste, then rub it into your elbows for a soothing, smoothing, and exfoliating treatment. Rinse your extremities in a mixture of equal parts lemon juice and water, then massage with olive oil and dab dry with a soft cloth. 

Headaches-Lemon juice with a few teaspoons of hot tea added is the treatment of a sophisticated New York bartender, for those who suffer with hangover headaches–and from headaches due to many other causes. He converts his customers to this regime, and weans them away from drug remedies completely. 

Chills and Fevers-Chills and fevers may be due to a variety of causes; never the less the lemon is always a helpful remedy. Spanish physicians regard it as an infallible friend. 

Diptheria-Skip the vaccine for this disease. Lemon Juice Treatment still proves as one of the most powerful antiseptics and the strong digestive qualities of the fruit are admired around the world. With the juice every hour or two, and at the same time, 1/2 to 1 tsp. should be swallowed. This cuts loose the false membrane in the throat and permits it to come out. 

Vaginal Hygiene-Diluted lemon juice makes a safe and sane method of vaginal hygiene. Though it is a powerful antiseptic it is nevertheless free from irritating drugs in douches and suppositories. 

Forget The Moth Balls-A charming French custom to keep closets free from moths is to take ripe lemons and stick them with cloves all over the skin. The heavily studded lemons slowly dry with their cloves, leaving a marvelous odor throughout the closets and rooms. 

Stomach Health-Digestive problems are the most common ailments but warm water and lime juice is the solution to most digestive problems. Lemon juice helps to purify the blood, reduces your chances of indigestion, constipation, eliminates toxins from the body, adds digestion and reduces phlegm. 

Disinfect Cuts and Scrapes-Stop bleeding and disinfect minor cuts and scraps by pouring a few drops of lemon juice directly on the cut. You can also apply the juice with a cotton ball and hold firmly in place for one minute. 

Soothe Poison Ivy Rash-You won’t need an ocean of calamine lotion the next time poison ivy comes a-creeping. Just apply lemon juice directly to the affected area to soothe itching and alleviate the rash. 

Remove Warts-You’ve tried countless remedies to banish warts and nothing seems to work. Next time, apply a dab of lemon juice directly to the wart using a cotton swab. Repeat for several days until the acids in the lemon juice dissolve the wart completely. 

Bleach Delicate Fabrics-Avoid additional bleach stains by swapping ordinary household chlorine bleach with lemon juice, which is milder but no less effective. Soak your delicates in a mixture of lemon juice and baking soda for at least half an hour before washing. 

Clean Tarnished Brass and Polish Chrome-Say good-bye to tarnish on brass, copper, or stainless steel. Make a paste of lemon juice and salt (or substitute baking soda or cream of tartar for the salt) and coat the affected area. Let it stay on for 5 minutes. Then wash in warm water, rinse, and polish dry. Use the same mixture to clean metal kitchen sinks too. Apply the paste, scrub gently, and rinse. Get rid of mineral deposits and polish chrome faucets and other tarnished chrome. Simply rub lemon rind over the chrome and watch it shine! Rinse well and dry with a soft cloth. 

-Replace Your Dry Cleaner-Ditch the expensive dry-cleaning bills (and harsh chemicals) with this homegrown trick. Simply scrub the stained area on shirts and blouses with equal parts lemon juice and water. Your “pits” will be good as new, and smell nice too. 

Boost Laundry Detergent-For more powerful cleaning action, pour 1 cup lemon juice into the washer during the wash cycle. The natural bleaching action of the juice will zap stains and remove rust and mineral discolorations from cotton T-shirts and briefs and will leave your clothes smelling fresh. Your clothes will turn out brighter and also come out smelling lemon-fresh. 

Rid Clothes of Mildew-Have you ever unpacked clothes you stored all winter and discovered some are stained with mildew? To get rid of it, make a paste of lemon juice and salt and rub it on the affected area, then dry the clothes in sunlight. Repeat the process until the stain is gone. 

Eliminate Fireplace Odor-There’s nothing cozier on a cold winter night than a warm fire burning in the fireplace unless the fire happens to smell horrible. Next time you have a fire that sends a stench into the room, try throwing a few lemon peels into the flames. Or simply burn some lemon peels along with your firewood as a preventive measure. 

Neutralize Cat-Box Odor-You don’t have to use an aerosol spray to neutralize foul-smelling cat-box odors or freshen the air in your bathroom. Just cut a couple of lemons in half. Then place them, cut side up, in a dish in the room, and the air will soon smell lemon-fresh. 

Deodorize a Humidifier-When your humidifier starts to smell funky, deodorize it with ease: Just pour 3 or 4 teaspoons lemon juice into the water. It will not only remove the off odor but will replace it with a lemon-fresh fragrance. Repeat every couple of weeks to keep the odor from returning. 

Reduce Asthma Symptoms-In addition to a general detoxifying diet, 2 tablespoons of lemon juice before each meal, and before retiring can reduce asthma symptoms.

P.S. If you do consume lemon peel, stick to organic lemons to reduce yourpesticide exposure.

Easter (Part 6)

Accepting Jesus as your Savior can begin to turn your life into the joyous experience you always hoped it could be. It is a process that begins with one simple step.

-The first step is simply to realize and know just how much God loves you. Once you see that God loves you and wants you to be happy then everything in your life will become better. You will begin to feel, in fact, just how glorious life can be. When you accept Jesus the old things are passed away and all becomes new.

-The next step is to love God back. That is all God ever asks of us. By loving God back you will take the first step towards living the way you were meant to-blessed beyond measure.

-Step three is to love yourself. If God loves you then you should be able to love yourself as well. You are a Child of God, after all, and worthy of love. Forgive yourself and then you can forgive those that have wronged you.

-The final step is to go out and love others too. Love is a gift that you can’t just keep to yourself. It has to be shared. 
Step by step you will know the joy of Jesus and then you will never want to stop sharing His message. Your soul will come alive. Love and joy will flow through you and show up in every single thing you do. You will not only change your life but also become a blessing to God and to the world.

On this Easter Sunday why not receive Him? Just ask Him into your heart. I guarantee if you will make the first step the rest will be a lot easier.

God bless and Happy Easter!

Easter (Part 5)

Imagine this. A concert guitarist is performing a difficult piece in front of a large audience. Suddenly there is a loud snap that reverberates throughout the auditorium. The audience immediately knows that a string has broken and fully expects the concert to be suspended until another string, or instrument, is brought to the musician.

But instead, the guitarist composes himself, closes his eyes and then signals the conductor to begin again. The orchestra resumes where they had left off and now the musician plays the music on five strings. In her mind he works out new fingering to compensate for the missing string. A work that few people can play well on six strings, the guitarist with the broken string plays on five.

When he finishes, an awesome silence hangs in the room. And then as one, the crowd rises to their feet and cheers wildly. The guitarist smiles and wipes perspiration from his brow. When silence returns to the great room, he explains why he continued to play in spite of a broken string. "You know," he says, still breathless, "sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."

We know what he means, don't we? Maybe we've lived most of our lives and we have only a little time left. Can we still make music?  Maybe disease has robbed us of our capacity to work. Can we still make music?  Perhaps a financial loss has left us impoverished. Can we still make music?  Or maybe a meaningful relationship has ended and we feel alone in the world. Can we still make music?

There will come a time when we all experience loss. Like the guitarist, will we find the courage to discover just how much music we can still make with what we have left, how much good we can still do, and how much joy we can still share.

I'm convinced that the world, more than ever, needs the music only we can make, and if it takes extra courage to make the music, many will applaud your effort. For some people have lost more than others, and these brave souls inspire the rest of us to greater heights.

Just how much music can you make with what you have left? Find out during this Easter season. Tell someone the life-changing story of salvation and you will hear beautiful music in return.

Easter (Part 4)

-When was the last time you drank in a sunset, the unpretentious smile of a toddler, a father with a child sitting on his shoulders?

-When was the last time you heard the mournful sound of a cricket, the breeze whispering through dense pine, the sound of new life?

-When was the last time you felt the warmth of a child's hug, the feel of a tear as it was rubbed gently from the face of one you love, the indescribable joy of holding the hand of one whom God has joined together?

-When was the last time you tasted Mom's best recipe, salt water on a carefree day at the beach, a snowflake?

-When was the last time you had a puppy lick your face, a cat purr in total affection, a child that thought dog biscuits were cookies?

-When was the last time you gave a hug for no reason, said a kind word to a stranger, intentionally blessed your daughter?

-When was the last time you made snow angels, threw snowballs, had rosy red cheeks?

-When was the last time you received an unexpected gift, phone call, visit or email?

-When was the last time you took a long walk, rode a new bike, read a good book?

-When was the last time you had a belly laugh that actually came from your belly, a heartache that brought healing, a physical pain that made you slow down and really see others - maybe for the first time?

-When was the last time you quietly sipped a cup of tea, watched the dance of birds just outside your window, remembered old friends?

-When was the last time you greeted the day with a smile, prayed for your enemy, sang a song of praise?

-When was the last time you thought about Good Friday, Easter Sunday, a Risen Savior?

-When was the last time you thanked God for the incredible blessings that make for a wonderful life?

I hope it was Today!

Easter (Part 3)

I wonder if any of us would travel back to the cross to witness the birth of full and complete forgiveness. It would be very difficult and painful, but wouldn't it also be the greatest opportunity a follower of Christ could ever have? To look into His eyes and to hear those words, "Father, forgive them!" Unlike the crowd, we would know that the words were meant for us. Imagine seeing love in action. Imagine seeing God's Son proclaim, through exhausted tears mixed with royal triumph, "It is finished!"

Well, we really don't have to imagine about either of these last two events. We can visit them anytime. In fact we must visit them every da. Why? Because we are nothing if we don't visit the cross, or look upon the empty tomb. Life is empty for us if the cross we can't see, and life's too large a cross to bear if the empty tomb's not there! Whenever I sin, whenever I fail, the cross reminds me of forgiveness past, present and future. Whenever I doubt His love, I look at the cross and see His perfect love already proven, already given. I need to visit the cross each day.

I also need to visit the empty tomb each day as well. Why? To remind me that life has victory that is full and eternal. Some days, victory is hidden beneath a vail of pain or sorrow just as it was that first Easter. But, when I look at the tomb and realize that the very same power that raised Jesus from the dead is at work in me (Ephesians 1:18-20), victory becomes a tangible hook on which to hang my hat. The day-to-day battles may be won or lost, but by visiting the tomb I can't deny that I am, and forever will be, victorious in Christ.

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are -- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."   Hebrews 4:14-16

Easter (Part 2)-If I Was The Devil

Paul Harvey shared this years ago on his national radio broadcast during the Easter season:

"If I were the Prince of Darkness, I would want to engulf the whole world in darkness. And I would have one-third of the real estate and four-fifths of the population, but I wouldn't be happy until I had the ripest apple on the tree.
So I'd set about, however necessary, to take over the United States. This would be my plan:

-I'd subvert the churches first; I'd begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: "Do as you please."

-To the youth I would whisper, "The Bible is a myth."
I would convince them that man made God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what's bad is good and what's good is old-fashioned.

-In the ears of the young married I would whisper that work is debasing and that cocktail parties are good for you.

-And to the old I would teach to pray after me: "Our Father, who art in Washington..."

-And then I'd get organized; I'd educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting, so that everything else would appear dull and uninteresting.

-I'd threaten television with dirtier movies and vice versa.

-I'd peddle narcotics to whom I could; I'd sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction; I'd tranquilize the rest with pills.

-If I were the Devil I'd soon have families at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves; until each in its turn was consumed. And with promises of higher ratings I'd have mesmerizing media fanning the flames.

-If I were the Devil I'd encourage schools to refine young intellects but neglect to discipline emotions: let those run wild. Before you know it, you'd have to have drug-sniffing dogs and metal detector at every school house door. Within a decade I'd have prisons overflowing.

-With flattery and promises of power I would get the courts to do what I construe as against God and in favor of pornography.

-I'd designate an atheist to front for me before the highest courts and I'd get the preachers to say, "She's right." Thus, I could evict God from the courthouse, then from the school house, and then from the Houses of Congress.

-And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys, girls, and church money.

-If I were the Devil I would make the symbol of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.

-If I were the Devil I'd take from those who have and give it to those who want it, until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.

-What'll you bet that I couldn't get whole States to promote gambling as the way to get rich?

-I would caution against extremes: in hard work, in patriotism, and in moral conduct.

-I would convince the youth that marriage is old-fashioned, but swinging is more fun; that what you see on television is the way to be; and thus I could undress you in public and I could lure you into bed where there are diseases for which there is no cure.

-Then I would separate families, putting children in uniform, women in coal mines and objectors in slave-labor camps.

In other words, if I were the Devil, I'd just keep doing what I'm doing now -- it's working."

Paul Harvey never claimed to be a prophet, but 30 years later most of this imaginary scenario has become reality.

However, I have some good news. I have read the back of The Book and we win. Satan is defeated, will be defeated, and never will win. He's enjoying it while he can, but his days are numbered. Glory to God!

Revelation 20:10 "And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever."